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 Anger
Management
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, John Turturro,
and so forth.
Directed by: Peter Segal
Rated: PG-13 & PGDS (Pretty Gosh Darn Stupid)
Man-o-Manoshevitz
was this bad! To say I hated this is a grandiose understatement.
Not only were there no studmuffins to nosh on between the goobly
goop of friggitini poodle poo, but wasting John Turturro and Luis
Guzman and JACK should be considered a felony.
Argh. It's the dreaded "K-Pax
Virus" or the horrific "
Death to Smoochy Flu" at work here for sure.
KPV and DTSF strikes ordinary mega-talents when they get too comfy.
It clouds their puffy heads with expensive cigar smoke and cognac
bonded friendships causing them to read through rose colored Raybans©™,
thusly, making erroneous script decisions followed by a brief
bit of work in a vanity vacuum spotted with a deadly breed of
"Yes Men" only to emerge from the illness with a massive
production of pure film diarrhea and gooey career faux pas afterbirth.
I
admit it I am not the biggest Adam Sandler fan out there. I thought
we were past all that after I adored Punch Drunk Love and Little
Nicky. Of course Little Nicky was hated by the die-hard Sandler
cult members and Punch Drunk Love was seen by twelve people- cast
included - unfortunately.
The
story (Read: "Time to cash in, er, make another movie"
) goes...David Buznik (Adam Sandler) is a dweeby kind of guy with
no balls and a saddy cakes demeanor. While he's schlepping to
a meeting in St Louis he requests a headset from the stewardess.
In one of the worst scripted and acted scenes in film, he is accused
of terrorizing the plane and ends up in court.
Dave
finds himself thrown into an anger management program since (hardee
har har) he's so violently tempered. The program is run by Dr.
Rydell (Jack "Ah, what the heck, the kid did that funny Jewish
song...hand me a cigar...I'll read the script." Nicholson).
At
the meeting he meets really angry people that are straight out
of a filing cabinet at SNL marked "Stereotypical Character
Types." These fellow angry souls are over the top and clearly
Dave is the sanest of the lot. But don't let obvious character
traits blurr the plot here...
After
being assigned his personal "Anger Allie" Chuck (John
Turtururuturtle), things go from retahhrded to rah'-tarhhhhhhded
real fast.
Chuck
drags Dave out for a few drinks (anger+alcohol=fight). Dave ends
up accidentally fighting a blindman (Harry Dean Stanton) and breaking
a cocktail waitress' nose ( stop with all the funny gags! My sides!
NOT). Back to court he goes.
Dr.
Rydell, imitating that older sexy fellow that played the devil
with Cher a few years back, saunters into the court, pleads on
David's behalf, and gets custody if you will of Dave. Later Dr.
Rydell moves in with Dave. As IF.
The
next hour or so is pure mental torture. Watching a legend - playing
himself basically - deliver silly stupid juvenile humor, too adult
for kids and too kid-like for adults, is more than this cinephile
can handle. I'm going to go watch vintage SNL tapes to remind
myself why it is again Adam Sandler is on film...followed by several
Jack features to shake off the leeches of hate firmly attached
to my heart at present.
Snack recommendation: Two eggs over easy, dry wheat toast
and a side bowl of Alphabits© cereal
BLUNTLY
SPEAKING:
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