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 The Bone Collector
Starring:
Denzel
Washington, Queen Latifa, Ed O'Neil and Angelina Jolie
Directed By: Philip
Noyce
Rated: R
The
Bone Collector does have some good points. For one
it's a horror movie right? The suspense is there and the
gore. They try too hard is all.
Admittedly, I nearly blew chunks of chow mein when they
found the college student, in one of the many staged killing
sights left by the "killer." Eek to the tenth
power.
But
BC has too many flaws. Like why on God's green Earth would
NY's finest allow a toothpick chick babe (Anjolina Jolie)
to climb down into treacherous areas BY HERSELF while
a serial killing lunatic, may or may not be lurking behind
doorway number one? Pleeaase.
The law suits alone would prevent that scenario even if
they secretly wanted to see her bludgeoned. Then there's
the A typical New York police captain with that 'Barretta'
attitude towards his men.
Give
us a little credit Mr. Screenwriter. I thought this was
gonna be a smarter film, that's all.
Here's
the story...Lincoln Rhyme (Denzel ' Hot cocoa on a long
winter's night' Washington) has a really bad boo boo.
He was a top forensic cop at lectures and textbook creator
for the 'Academy' till a...something,
smashed his body in half, leaving him bed bound. He just
hangs at his crib, waiting to exit stage left outta life.
That is until a deranged killer into fancy skin carvings
gets his mind going again.
See,
Link (which for the first half of the movie -I thought
was a Mod Squad reference) is a genius at putting together
the tiniest of psychopathic ferensic evidence. For some
reason the police captain, who remembe,r supposedly hates the
guy, lets Link turn his huge sprawling apartment (? 6000.00
a month anywhere in the city) into crime scene study central,
complete with about 15 boys in blue at his beckon call.
Oh, sure.
Enter
Amelia Donaghy (Angelina 'Look into my lips! Look into
my lips! You are getting sleepy...' Jolie).
A skeletal framed rookie who happens to be a whiz kid
at detail. Sex? This is a horror flick where's the sex?
Oh, yeah he's paraplegic you say. No problem. They attempt
a romance between the dead from the neck down Link and
Amelia. As if. Pathetic! Sex sells I
guess, but definitely not necessary anywhere
in this script.
The
two pair up to catch the killer. She; the eyes
and legs at the crime scenes for the team. He;
the brains and anchor of the team. Together, he bed ridden
- she angst ridden, they hunt and pursue this madman together.
Awe isn't that sweet. Barf.
This
killer enjoys surgically removing flesh…iiiiiieeee.
Nothing is grosser than that huh? Toothpick Girl Amelia,
doesn't seem to mind. She's not a pussy. Of course murder
victim numero uno, Mrs. 'Steamed 5th Avenue Carcass',
got Amelia's boney ass a heavin. Of course dry heaves
as she never eats.
I
can just see the novel writer Jeffrey Deaver, cringing
at the premiere when his bold brash cop, Amelia was turned
into a waif model who needs to be fist fed a hoagie or
two. Jolie should never be a lead in this movie, a Troma
video horror or FullMoon production sure...
The
scientific parts of the film were well done and very interesting.
If you like this stuff, also check out books by Kathy
Reichs, she's a crack forensic scientist turned grisly
author. This is the movie's appeal. Clever, even if it
is casting hell. Good date movie, better than most, less
than expected from Washington.
Got
to mention, Queen Latifa is Thelma, Lincoln's round the
clock nurse and Batgirl. Latifa 'Ms. Multi-talent USA'
deserves more quality roles. She's an incredible being.
Hey? Why wasn't she in the lead with Denzel? Oh, yeah
she ways over 98 pounds and doesn't look like she belongs
on Mack the mechanics bathroom wall.
Unlike her costar this chick can act her way out of a
paper bag. Kick box is more like it. I was so happy when
she came back on screen. A warm happy place after suffering
through the tedium of Jolie's scenes of mediocrity.
Hey, if she gets better with time...I'll be kinder.
Snack
Recommendation: Nothing or you'll be chuckin chunks
100
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