CLINT HOWARD AND BARRY KEARSON | Takin' the net by storm! Well, a small inclement weather patch anyway...
an emily blunt interview

Clint Howard and Barry Kearson are two funny guys! Together they've produced, in my opinion, one the smartest mini-shows to be found on the web, The Clint Howard Variety Show.

Clint Howard, who has something like 90 films and television credits under his belt, hosts this offbeat brilliantly sublime comedy show.

Celebrity interviews with such big-time folks as Sally Kirkland (who's a nut) and Andy Dick
(who's certifiable) stop in for a quick chat and their free turkey...and odd characters of the strange and wonderful animate the streaming video.

Clint's the brother of Ron Howard, yes that Ron Howard. He's always some where on the Howard directed films. My personal favorite is Clint as the Mayor of Whoville's s flunky in The Grinch - naturally. Though many of you have emailed regarding his childhood role of Gentle Ben, I have to say being an extraordinary young chickbabe, I've never had the pleasure of viewing this cult classic. So sue me.

Barry Kearson's no sidecar grabber on! His resume is wildly impressive. He co-writes this mini laugh festival with Howard. Barry was nice enough to share a story about the Beatles and himself below that had me teary eyed...of course it could have been the onion rings we were feeding like rabid Rhesus monkeys on during the interview that moistened the retina, granted, but still it's a unique experience this talented fellow lived through and he was kind enough to share with me, and you.

These two are old hats at the whole Hollywood shindigaroo and they were a pleasure to sit and chew the cartilage with. The web based variety show has tidbits thrown together that all equal a hearty laugh after a dull day. Surf over and enjoy. (There's also a neat spot to play "outsmart" with Clint online at yet another Grinch tie-in...here) In the meantime here's an interview with the lads:

EB: Hello, gentlemen.
BK: Howdy! I just want to say that he's world famous [pointing to Clint]. No one knows me at all.
[laughter]
EB: I was reading your resume through Barry - I'm surprised.
BK: I'm what you call obscure.
EB: Obscure ?
BK: Obscure, yes. He's world famous. I'm obscure.
CH: You know, I'm big... I used to be big in Iran.
EB: You had your own fan club?
BK: Not any more, pal.
CH: No. I actually had mini-Iranians come up to me, guys my age, and give me, you know,
big smiles and big hugs and say they grew up with me.
BK: [Laughter]
CH: In this day in age to have an Iranian come up and give me a big hug is, is not the most
comforting thing in the world, but back, back in the day, Gentle Ben was a big Iranian
show.
BK: Big show in Iran.
CH: Big show in Tehran.
EB: Yes. Somebody told me not to bring you a bear. That would have to do with that, right?
I always brings gifts, well usually…I have to be honest with you, but because I've been sick I...uh...
BK: So we don't get gifts?
EB: I'm sorry. [I only pray they never read about the gift basket Marlon Wayans received...]
BK: Yeah. She always brings gifts.
CH: Except us.
BK: Except today.
EB: Well, I was gonna stop at the Dollar Store, but there was no parking, so I said...
BK: O-kay.
EB: So how are those hemi's, Clint?
BK: [laughter]
CH: The hemi's are actually much better.
EB: Good.
CH: The flare up has ended and now its just kind of...it's...it's just an occasional annoyance,
but, but nothing dramatic.
EB: Yes, okay. Now, you both spared no expense on the Clint Howard Variety Show. Uh...it's about twenty bucks unless there's a celebrity guest, and then it's fifteen additional, plus the turkey or course. Is that correct?
BK: Plus the turkey, yeah.
EB: How do you get the financing to do the show?
BK: Well, we were financed by...at that time, Pop.com, which was still in existence. It was
really big money. You know, it's amazing. We had at Pop.com which of course was
Dreamworks, Imagine and Paul Allen.
EB: Paul Allen's money.
BK: Paul Allen's money you know, so these guys are billionaires and they gave us peanuts,
you know, nothing. They gave us nothing.
CH: We were actually doing our show for about $600 an episode.
EB: That's cheap. You including the turkey?
CH: Oh yeah.
BK: Including the turkey.
CH: No, the turkey was donated.
BK: Yes.
EB: It is?
BK: Yes.
CH: HANDY MARKET OF BURBANK! And neighborhood grocer since 1963.
BK: Yeah, and a terrific, a terrific neighborhood grocer and great butcher shop. Great meat.
EB: Really?
BK: For those of you who like meat.
CH: You know, there were a few celebrities that...that questioned whether the turkey was
fresh.
EB: Yeah, Andy Dick.
BK:/CH: Yeah, Andy Dick.
BK: Little did he know it was very fresh. It was just killed fresh!
EB: Yeah, but he's, he's a comic. All comics have that anal retentive...
BK: He is?
EB: ...Germ thing.
CH: The thing about the germ...
BK: Andy Dick's a comic?
CH: The thing about the germ thing and Andy - he started like worrying about germs with the
turkey. I know a little of Andy's history. I think he's got far more to worry about germ- wise than turkeys?
EB: Yeah, I would say so, too.
BK: He's actually been quarantined by the government during this crisis over in...
CH: Andy Dick is like a secret CIA weapon.
BK: Yes, he is.
CH: All he has to do is just travel to one of those foreign countries and we're set.
EB: He's absolutely insane.
BK: Yeah.
CH: We like Andy. Andy did us a really nice favor by coming on the show.
BK: He was terrific.
CH: All the celebrities did.
EB: Yeah?
CH: I mean we had...you know what? We simply asked and people cued right up. It was cool.
EB: Yeah, you really do have an A-list of talent coming on the show. Is it the turkey that gets
them there?
BK: No, it was the $15.00 primarily. They all came for the money.
CH: You know one thing that was really nice and...that...that I'm proud of. Barry and I organized the thing well enough to when we asked somebody to come down to our
show we didn't leave them hanging. You know, we would...we would have you know Adam would come down or Henry would come down, and we would interview them and
they would be there about twenty minutes and then they would be free to leave, and I've
been in this position. I've been on the other side of the camera in situations like this where you end up getting dicked around and you know they ask you, "Could you, could
you just wait around for a couple of hours?," and you know, that...that pisses me off, so
you know Barry and I were organized enough so when one of the actors showed up we
used them and let them go home.
EB: Oh, that's nice of you!
BK: Well, we care...
CH: Fucko was the only person...we kept Fucko around.
EB: Fucko?
BK: He was there all the time. Yes. Fucko is a world famous clown. He's a bitter, angry clown.
He...uh...he has a problem with perspiration and clown white. It just, you know, it...when
that clown white starts to run it's not a pretty picture. He has a pigtail that goes from the base of his scalp to...uh...probably his knees.
EB: Oh, that's attractive.
BK: Literally. Yeah, it's a...it's a ratty pigtail.
EB: Is he single?
CH: No. No. No. No. Fucko likes...
BK: Not only is he single...
CH: Fucko likes the ladies.
BK: He's a leech..
EB: Hahahaha.
BK: We had the Clint Howard Dancers, of course, on the set and, and the Clint Howard
Dancers are, are young...
EB: Young.
BK: Young ladies, yes.
EB: Oh, so he's a pedophile?
BK: No, no. He didn't bother with them. The mothers...he was after the mothers. We had to
keep pulling him back. It...we... we would have been able to move a lot faster were it not
for trying to keep Fucko in tow. And then of course people try to...you know...influence us that perhaps we would have more commercial success if Fucko changed his name.
Perhaps if we called him Fooko, but we're not budging on that. I don't think he would
either.
EB: Yeah, I noticed your announcer/bouncer was kind of having a...
BK: Big Mike.
EB: Yeah.
BK: Big Mike. Well, that's his job and that's why he's the announcer/bouncer of the show.
CH: One of the smartest things we did was bring Big Mike on board because, you know, we
needed...in all seriousness...we needed to have somebody around that could kick ass.
EB: Yeah, you've got in some situations. I can see you're gonna need some security there.
BK: I think I'm free to tell you that his entire name is Big Mike the Tattooed Jew. And... you know, which means that being a tattooed Jew you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery, but I think he's over it.
EB: Depends on what type of tattoos no? Okay. Um, Mr. Shiddy. Mr. Shiddy!! I LOVE him!
Mr. Shiddy!
BK: He's here right now! Let's have a visit from Mr. Shiddy. [ Shiddy is Clint's "alter-ego" and therapeutic venting persona...]
EB: He has a certain charm.
CH: Yeah, well he's a nice guy.
BK: He's a happy man.
EB: Is he gonna appear in all the episodes? Is he...uh...just...he's there for the long haul?
CH: Mr. Shiddy just shows up when they tell him to.
EB: He's kind of psychotic right now.
CH: Yeah.
EB: How did you think of that character?
CH: Mr. Shiddy started...um...I have a first wife. Her mother used to talk to her cat a lot like the
way Mr. Shiddy talks to people, and over the years I have refined the way that woman
spoke to her cat and I like to talk to my cats like...like that, Mr. Shiddy. And you know what? I personally, when I'm talking to my cat, Sam, I'm not talking to him like this. I
have a good time. It's, it's fun for me to be Mr. Shiddy.
BK: And Sam seems to enjoy it as well.
CH: Yeah, and the thing about it is I started doing it and then I started doing it to my wife and
she enjoyed it, and I started thinking about a guy who's happy can say almost anything
and get away with it.
EB: Absolutely.
CH: I liked it...
EB: He says it with a smile and a smirk.
CH: Yes. I like to get away with saying stuff that I shouldn't be allowed to get away with.
EB: Oh and you do.
CH: And Mr. Shiddy. He can say most anything around anybody.
EB: Are the people aware when he's actually criticizing them or, or do they miss it because
of the way that it's delivered.
BK: Some miss it.
CH: I think, I think that maybe eventually, you know, I don't know...Mr. Shiddy's a character
that, that we've developed and, and we may try to develop future somewhere down
the line. Um...it's just that he's so damn happy. I think people, you know, people are
going to hear and realize what he's saying, but it's a little like Forrest Gump. I mean,
Forrest...Mr. Shiddy is to happy what Forrest was to retardation.
BK: [laughing]
EB: Bravo! Oh yeah. Now the portal, the magic door...
BK: The magic door. Yes.
EB: Now where did you ever find that?
BK: Well, you know...uh...it was easy. [laughter]
EB: That cost about eight dollars.
BK: It cost about eight bucks and, you know, it was the only...it was the cheapest, fastest
segue to get us off the set. You know, I mean, anything that we did on the set
you had to go through that stupid magic door.
EB: It's, it's not real? It's a prop?
BK: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow your...it...it led actually to a...an old garage that Clint and
his dad, and I helped a little bit, had to clean out and they found enormous amounts of
memorabilia in there that had been stored in that garage forever on this old property that
Clint's dad owns and, uh, they found old, old albums there from Gentle Ben and, uh, uh...
EB: E-bay. E-bay.
BK: Yeah, E-bay...
EB: Go through my site. I get a commission. [capitalist whore-I know]
BK: And, and tools and you know, just strange old stuff. Old musical instruments, dumbbells.
CH: The magic door is a great example of doing something on the cheap. We needed, we
needed a segue, we needed a way to get somewhere else, and the billionaires had
given you like eight dollars.
BK: Yeah. And we borrowed a couple of smoke machines, I guess from "The Grinch."
CH: Yeah, the special effects guy from "The Grinch." [Clint played the Mayor Maywho's right hand who]
EB: When you say "borrowed" you mean "steal"?
BK:/CH: No, no, no, no.
BK: We legitimately borrowed them...
CH: We would never...
BK: ...and return them in good repair.
CH: We will never tell you the stuff that we stole.
EB: That's a good point. Okay - I want true honesty here... Clint, are the Kempsters reuniting, 'cause I'm sure the response was astounding after airing on the Clint Howard Variety Show and, maybe you could tell the readers who the Kempsters are.
CH: The Kempsters are not reuniting.
EB: NO! [sniff]
CH: We are all grown up and bald and on to our...onto life. The Kempsters was something
that, that I and a handful of friends of mine did when we were in our early 20s. We were
a garage band and we played around the LA clubs in the early 80s for about a year. Uh,
we, we loved it and we loved the music and we took no prisoners and we didn't try to be
like anybody else.
EB: Was it original music or covers?
CH: Well, we, we did all original music. We would always cover a David Bowie song or a
Lou Reese song because we were both, Scott and I, my partner in the band, we were
both Bowie freaks and, and the Kempsters are Scott Green, Sebino Flores, Jay Dean
and Tony Rodriguez. They were the core group of the Kempsters.
EB: Do you have CDS or anything that fans could buy?
CH: As a matter of fact, while you mention it, I have just put together a compilation CD of
some studio demos that we did and, uh, we did several sets at Madam Wongs and I took the best five or six tunes from Madam Wongs taped October 17, 1982.
We cleaned them up as best we could, put them on this CD, and at this point I'm kind of
in a holding pattern on it, but I do have the CD.
EB: Well, you should put it on clinthoward.com.
CH: Well, I'm planning to. I've just gotten busy with my life. And you know the Kempsters are
not a priority with me. The...I'll tell you what. I love being a Kempster and I still consider
myself a Kempster and I'm glad that I was able to put a little bit of the music into the Variety Show, but you know, onward and upward.
BK: And the music is good and it holds up twenty years later and, and it will, you know, that
was our intention of it was to remaster it as best that we could and to make a CD out of
it and put it up there for sale, you know.
EB: Can you tell us if the rumor about Scott being dead is true, or is that...?
CH/BK: [laughter]
CH: Scott is not dead.
EB: Okay, good.
BK: And Clint is the walrus.
CH: I'll tell you, Barry brought up a great point when he first heard the Kempsters, because
you know you guys were smart, 'cause you're never out of key. The fact that...see I was
the lead singer and I never sang, so as the lead singer there was never a moment in any
song where I was out of key because I was not trying to achieve a key.
BK: hahaha. Had no knowledge of a key.
CH: Yeah, I had no idea.
BK: Wouldn't know it if he tripped over it. [laughter]
CH: Every once in a while our back...our other musicians in the band in, in the background
vocals would try to hit a certain key and miss, but that never happened to me. Key??
I don't even know scales.
EB: Where do you see the Clint Howard Show going?
BK: Well, you know...look - we think about it in a couple of different ways. In one way we just
had a delightful time doing it. We really proved a lot of things to ourselves and it solidified our partnership, Clint and myself. We have other projects that we have and it just...you know, we worked together. We wrote together, we produced together, we, we put our ideas together and we directed together. We cleared the...you know, we did everything from A to Z. I mean there wasn't anything that we didn't do on this.
CH: Barry and I, Barry and I have a wonderful friendship and the great thing about it is we
maintained our friendship through the Clint Howard Variety Show.
BK: Yeah. We worked together and it was really hard work, and particularly the two days that
we did the main shooting we did something like 53 setups in two days and it was hard
work, you know, and, but I'm not complaining about it, but we did. We got along. We
snapped at each other occasionally and that was all right, you know.
EB: I can't see that.
BK: I remember once, Clint was standing there once and it was between shots and the sun
was out and it was hot and it was mid day and I went up to Clint and I asked him if on the
next take he could, could he open his eyes a little bit more, and he looked at me and he
said, "NO, I can't. Get away from me." [laughter]
EB: Yeah, there's an awful lot of squinting on the show.
BK: Exactly. We were in the blazing hot sun.
EB: Well, you do have that snazzy that carport thing, no?
BK: Well, you know that didn't, you know, we just, we just were working with the elements as
best we could, you know. It was...
CH: I tell ya. We, we are going to follow the bouncing ball.
BK: Barry and I have no dreams or delusions of, of the Clint Howard Variety Show. We didn't invent it to try to launch it somewhere else...
EB: Oh, so you're not looking for HBO or Showtime?
BK: Oh, no, no, no we are. I mean, why not? I mean, you know, look, you know the one
thing about it is that everybody who sees it says to me they think it's funny.
EB: That's very true.
BK: And that's been the feedback since day 1. Now there are people that don't get it and,
you know, obviously you know you can't please everybody, but people think it's funny,
and in that sense, you know, why shouldn't it be. You know, why shouldn't the Clint
Howard Variety Show be on HBO or Comedy Central or Showtime. I mean, you know,
we would like to take that shot.
EB: Comedy Central...
CH: See, we didn't invent it. We didn't create thinking about the next level, or we
didn't think in terms of business decisions this would create. We thought in terms of
what we wanted to see and how we wanted our humor to come across and I love working that way. I love working when you don't have your eye on some sort of big
prize that ultimately ends up polluting on your creativity, you know?
EB: An agenda.
CH/BK: Yeah.
EB: What's the big word I've heard since I moved out here? Or-GAN-ic.
BK: Oh yeah.
EB: That's like the nuevo-California industry word.
CH: I got your organic right here. [laughter]
EB: If I hear that word one more time...
CH: So, you know, hey...if...if the entertainment industry wants to see more of the Clint Howard Variety Show, Barry and I are willing to listen.
BK: That's right. And we'll make 'em pay through their nose.
CH: Yes! [laughter] We'll make our money back, that's right.
EB: Eight hundred dollars.
BK: That's right. We're not gonna work for $800.00 an episode. We want $750.00.
EB: Well, you know the future really is the web, and web tv is just around the corner, so...
BK: We believe that. We always did. We had that in mind as we were doing it we had that
belief.
EB: When people look back at the beginning of web tv, do you hope that the Clint Howard
Variety Show will be looked upon like say Ed Sullivan or the Show of Shows was?
BK: Yeah. Well, you know, that was part of what was in our mind and Ernie Kovacs and
and the early Steve Allen stuff, and you know, just free-flowing insanity, you know, that,
that's unpretentious and silly and you know we have a lot of silly friends and, and silly
is fun, you know, and to always be edited all the time or told that you can't say that or
do that. You know, this is a place that's free, and boy, you know, to work in any...
EB: Well, Fucko, I mean, there you go.
BK: You bet. You know I worked in radio in the days when FM radio was free and I wouldn't
want to work in radio today because it's all programmed, but in those days you had a
huge record library and you could take music from any genre and put it on a turntable
and mix it together with other music and there was nobody telling you that was wrong...
EB: That's coming again. The web radio is very much like that.
BK: Exactly. And that's what the web is offering again - that kind of creative freedom, until
they shut it down.
CH: [laughter]
EB: Of course they're gonna tax it.
BK: That's right. Yeah, yeah.
CH: Well, there also I'm sure there will be an attempt to try to make it pay-per-view.
BK: Right.
EB: Well, that's acceptable, too. And they have that now you know. You can actually go on
and watch movies at ifilm.com...
BK: Uh huh.
EB: ...and you can pay to see it, and then you can also rent dvd's right on the web.
BK: Uh huh.
EB: Because a lot of people, like I was telling you, they, they have the television, they hook it
up like pay-per-view, they order a CD or say a DVD, and that's it - for $3.00 on their
telephone bill, through IBill, they watch a movie.
BK: Yeah.
EB: You know, that's incredible.
CH: Well, this is the Internet right now, it's interesting in terms of entertainment, and we've,
we've staked our claim. We have planted our flag. We planted our flag, albeit it's a small little flag, but we planted it. It's a flag. And we're
there.
EB: You know, Crap TV does it. Have you ever heard of them?
BK: Yes, I have.
EB: Yeah, okay, they're still trying to get that off the ground and they have a free for all over there, too.
BK: Sure.
EB: But it's popular.
BK: Yeah.
EB: Very popular. And then, can you spill the scoop on any guests that are coming up that
maybe I can have inter knowledge. Are you continuing them and you're on what, episode
6? Are you gonna...
BK: Oh no, we have five episodes up thus far and a sixth to come and that's it. We shot our
wad.
CH: Judge Reinhold is gonna be our sixth guest.
BK: And he's just wonderful.
EB: Aren't you in a film with him coming up?
CH: Yeah, it's out. It's a little family kids movie called "Pink." Also, Ron, as it worked out, Ron
is in episode 6 and it was no great design to save Ron's episode 6, it was just in the
shuffle of the episodes. He came and did a, he participated in a little bit with us and it just happened to be in the last one.
EB: And when does that air?
CH: It'll be coming up in a couple of weeks.
EB: Okay! Good!
BK: Yeah, and Ron has a little encounter with Fucko that, that's...
EB: Classic.
BK: Kinda classic.
CH: Yeah. Wonderful. Yeah, yeah.
EB: Now you've been (this is directed towards Clint), you've been in over 90 movies? Is that
pretty much on Independent Movie database?
CH: A lot.
EB: Yeah.
CH: Yeah.
EB: Do you have any advice for people who are trying to be the next Clint Howard?
CH: Get your teeth fixed!! Hahaha.
BK: Haha
CH: No, you know, save your money! When you make it, save it. In all seriousness, tips about the business because you know I see too many actors that make a little money and have a pretty good year or two and then all of a sudden they think that they, you know, they're gonna continue to make their money...
EB: And then they're bankrupt, selling their body on Sunset?
CH: Yes. And simple enough, you know, there's...show business is a great business to be
in. You know, every day is different, it's interesting people and, and yet, you know, it's
really insecure and if you're gonna do it, man you know, you've got to live a conservative
life.
EB: Get a good mutual fund going and...
CH: Live on the cheap. Learn to live on the cheap.
EB: I made a lot of money in the stock market the last couple of years...buy Identex.
CH: You still got it?
EB: Well, actually, I spent half of it on liquidating all my expenses, you know,
and then the rest of it I left in like a moron and then we had the crash of last season and
my $25,000 that I left in there is now $2,500, but I have what are considered blue chips, so if I hold onto them long say 15 years it'll...
CH: Blue chips like GE and those kind of stocks?
EB: Yeah, I have that in mutual funds, but my IPOs that I bought, like Identex and uh, Brilliant Digital Entertainment, things of the future.
BK: Uh huh.
EB: You know, like with the events of September 11th Identex is gonna be the way we live
our lives.
BK: Right.
EB: And I bought it at about $2.00 a share as an IPO and it's been as high as $40, but I didn't need to cash in, so I said I'll just keep it and hope it splits, you know.
CH: What's it now?
EB: eeeeahh...it's about a buck fifty.
CH: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
EB: But, but it's all technical stuff and it's gonna be back...someday.
BK: And, and you're right. My wife is a CPA and she does estate planning and they talk about the stock market crashing and going bad and going down; she uses this word that
I just love. She said this morning, she said, "Well, you know while the stock market's going through this correction...."
CH: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BK: [laughter]
CH: Well, it is a correction.
BK: It is indeed, you know.
EB: Yeah it is.
BK: It's been inflated for a long time.
EB: Yeah.
BK: And, and it will correct itself and balance out eventually and you've got to sit on it.
EB: Well, I have no choice at this point. I mean, you know, I'd be a moron...
Uh, let me see. There was a...are you accepting viewers' tapes for the show. You're
pretty much done with the show...
BK: We're done for the time being, but we keep an eye out. I mean you know we certainly...
EB: 'Cause you were touting the $15 and the turkey.
BK: Oh yeah. We really know part of the long-range plan was that if we were going to continue on and do more, would be that we would be looking for those really, we would be looking for more Fuckos and Big Mike's and more pie eyes and more of the haunted garage, and be looking for the weird bands and...
CH: The Clint Howard Variety Show still has a breath.
BK: Yep.
CH: Hmm, that's almost too negative. I mean, yes! If somebody wants to send a
tape to Countingdown.com, either Barry or I, we'll probably flip a coin, one of us will view
it and file it away or burn it. You know...
BK: Yeah.
CH: Fair enough? I think we're actually thinking about the next little project we're gonna do
is after we allow the shows to be on the web and percolate, as six episodes complete,
having a strip of them available at Countingdown, or ClintHoward.com. I intend to read
the E-mails. We've gotten wonderful E-mails and we're continuing to get wonderful
E-mails - crazy, zany people writing us with their suggestions and their comments about
the show, and I am going to respond to those E-mails at the web site.
BK: Well, we already have. We've already responded to a lot of them and we'll continue to
respond.
CH: But in video...we're going to videotape me responding, like it's own program. And treat it like the way the fans should be treated, with dignity and respect and, and, you know, they have good taste and I appreciate my fans.
BK: And it should also say you know when you talk about how the show is doing, you know,
after a couple of...the one television appearance that Clint made promoting it and one
syndicated radio show that he did, we spiked Countingdown.com more than anything else they've had on there...since they began. So, you know, we just want to see what's gonna happen with it, and we started doing some promotion for it. Clint made himself available to do some interviews and to get out and about and...and...you know, similar to what we're doing with
you, and then you know the September 11th thing happened and it kind of took the wind
out of everybody's sails for a while and it didn't seem like the right time to be out there.
EB: It's coming back, though. People need entertainment.
BK: We thought we'd like get the six episodes up and out and then we'll take another pass at
getting, getting the word out a little bit more, you know.
CH: They probably don't have a lot of Internet in Afghanistan, right?
BK: No.
EB: Probably not.
BK: Not a lot of laptops.
CH: I don't think you can make a phone call into Afghanistan.
BK: Although I believe Apple is about to, they're putting together a laptop grenade launcher
combo that...with a Palm Pilot. I don't know which.
EB: Is Afghanistan where Afghan dogs come from?
BK: I'm not sure.
CH: Or the Afghan?
BK: I don't think so.
EB: Or is that just a play on words?
BK: I think so.
EB: Yeah.
BK: Afghan's long-haired dogs, aren't they?
EB: Yeah, they're greyhounds with hair.
BK: That's right.
EB: Well, gentlemen, I know you have a lot going on and is there anything you'd like to ...
CH: You're leaving now?
BK: Is that it? We're done?
EB: Tricked you! Clint you're in "A Beautiful Mind," aren't you?
BK: No.
EB: Well, it says you are on IMDB.com
CH: Coach's decision. Coach's decision not to hire me.
EB: NO!
CH: Yeah. It happens every now and again.
EB: Really?
BK: Yeah. Well, you know Ron made his mother audition Apollo 13.
CH: He made mom audition for a her role!
BK: Yeah.
EB: That's funny! Uh, well is there anything else that you'd like to add? I think we've pretty
much covered....yeah. We've covered everything that I could think of, I mean...
BK: Nothing else to add. This was fun.
CH: Yeah.
BK: And thanks for asking us.
CH: Do you know Barry was an agent for the Beatles?
EB: I read that! Do you know I bought my home because of the Beatles? I've collected since
childhood and when I was moving from Boston I put it in the paper and it ended up being
an auction. I made so much money I was able to put a down payment on a condo, which
I turned into a home- so technically they helped me get my home. So what were they really like?
BK: Well, you know, who knows? I mean, I...I spent some time with them. You know, I went
to New York and I was 22 years old and I started at this agency as a booking agent and
I got there at a time when everything was exploding and it turned out that the agency
represented the Beatles and the guy who was my mentor was this wonderful ex-jazz
musician and he had this incredible record library and he had been a road manager for
both the Stones and the Beatles in England before either of them had come to the United
States and he, we represented them and I actually put all the acts on the tour in '66 and
you know, Bobby Hebb and the Ronettes and the Cyrkle [(named by John Lennon, managed by Brian Epstein], who had a song called the "Red Rubber Ball," and the Vogues I think were on that. They're all acts out of that little stable of people that we were representing and one day I'm in my office, and I'll tell this story quickly, and Bob comes in to my office and says, "Do you want to go meet the guys? They're in town." I said, "Absolutely," and I leave my office, which is on 59th Street and Madison Avenue, and we start walking crosstown to the Warwick Hotel and the closer you got to the Warwick Hotel the more insane it became and you know, police barricades... ...thousands of people in the street, and we had these two badges. He gave me this badge. I remember it was red, and we got by all the barricades, got to the hotel and kept going through security, security, security, in the hotel, in an elevator, up to a floor. We got off on a floor beneath where the Beatles were and he said, "We're gonna
stop here. I just want to show you something," and this was the entire hotel, the entire
floor, lined all the way around with stuffed animals and toys and flowers and gifts that
fans had sent that was never gonna be seen by the Beatles. And you know, truckloads of stuff, and then we got back in the elevator and we went to the next floor up and we met for a while with these ex-FBI agents and Bob and myself and we plotted and planned how they would get from...out of the hotel out to Shea Stadium and then how they would get off from the field at Shea Stadium and it involved ambulances and hidden limousines and decoys and other, you know, limos, limos set up to look like that's where they're gonna be, and so forth, and then we finished there and he said, "Come on," and we walked down the hall and he knocked on a door and Ringo opened the door and I'll, I'll always remember it because I was now standing in a doorway with this guy, Bob...and Ringo and you know, Bob had a watch that he had gotten repaired for Ringo because he couldn't go out, obviously, and he gave him back his watch and uh Ringo at the door, Paul sitting at a room service table eating, uh, John sitting on the bed strumming a guitar, and over at the window looking out the window, peeking out the window, was George. And I'm staring, looking at the Beatles!
EB: What a neat memory!
BK: And I just like...I was trying to be, you know, and Bob said, "Hey, Bar...hey guys, this is
the agent who helped put the things together for you here. I know you want to say hello,"
and they all said, "Thank you," and "How you doing," and "What's up?" and everybody
was like you know really cool and they offered me a Coke and you know, and I hung out
for a little while and then I...that was one time and the next time I saw them it was in a
dressing room at Shea Stadium and hung out with them and then we walked out on the
infield at Shea Stadium and when my kids were growing up to this day it just absolutely
irks me because I'm like Zelig from Woody Allen's movie, you know, it's like as you've
seen this shot thousands of times where it's Shea Stadium and they have these, you
know, the suits that they wore and their instruments and they're walking from the dugout
at Shea Stadium to the stage, and they go, you know, in order, one guy after the other,
and then there's Brian Epstein and I'm behind Brian and they cut the shot right before I'm
there.
EB: Awwwwwwwww....
BK: [laughter] This is historic footage that I'm like one frame more, I would've been there.
for posterity.

Check out The Clint Howard Variety Show - truly a funny bit of nasty and mayhem! Hopefully, they'll make s'more...

Emily Blunt