Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
(more for special effects than the story- which is a tad too romance
novel at times)
Starring: Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ewan McGregor,
Christopher Lee, Frank Oz, Ian MacDairmid, Anthony Daniels, Temuera
Morrison, Jimmy Smits, Kenny Baker, and Samuel L Jackson.
Directed by: George Lucas
Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones is not as phenomenal
as the original Star Wars, can't touch Return of the
Jedi and don't even compare it to The Empire Strikes Back,
but compared to that piece of celluloid poo The
Phantom Menace (aka The Jar Jar Bink's Catastrophe) it's
an Academy Award© winner! Fear not
fellow Force followers that hideous swamp Rasta Jar Jar Binks
(Ahmed Best) is not a primary character! Thank Yoda! I guess even
Lucas heard the fans loud continuing whine across the globe huh?
story is riddled with mysteries and even goes so far as to almost
make Obi Wan (Ewan -he'll always be the poor
poet to me- McGregor) a semi-dime store detective as he unravels
the secrets the secret people are hiding.
story line is very predictable, but hey this is a "prequel."
We've seen where these people are going, who they become, and
their fates are no surprise to us. But, for those of us
who adore the series SWE3AOFTC is just a chance to see
how someone as noble as Annikin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen)
can go so bad and start sporting black on black with black and
destroying those he once promised to protect
meet Padme Amidala the ex-Queen of Naboo who is now holding a
chair in the intergalactic senate representing her planet's fine
folk. Someone, or something, is trying to kill her! There are
increasing attempts on her life. The Jedi Council decides she
needs a couple of tough guys by her side at all times. They will
protect her and keep her from the dark side of the Force. Obi
Wan Kenobi and Annikin are given the duty.
has not gone a day without thinking of the Queen Amidala (dingdong)
he left behind to be Obi's apprentice ten years ago (of course
he was ten years old but...). Now that he is with her again his
feelings can't be helped. Anni's been bitten hard by the smit
bug and he wants a big old serving of Nabooean Padme. Of course
that's not good because everyone knows Jedi are not allowed to
love, among other things.
for him, Obi Wan has some intergalactic sleuthing to take care
of and leaves phermone heavy Annakin alone with the budding chickbabe.
Think they may fall in love as they prance around the galaxy?
Mmmm, could be.
can't be bothered with the young and the restless couple. He's
discovered there's a secret army of clones being grown on a hidden
planet. A planet that just isn't there...but, how can the planet
not be in the federation's archives? All knowledge is known.
it's hidden alright and when he gets there he finds they are using
bounty hunter Jango Fett's (Once Were Warriors great Temuera
Morrison) manly man DNA to create this invincible army of Jango
clones. Creepy or what? Jango is paid well for his structure but
also asked he have one little, unaltered, clone of his own to
call son (Daniel Logan)
this son will be The Empire Strikes
Back's Boba Fett when he's properly grown into his bounty
stumbles upon the possible truths behind the increasing lack of
Force the Jedi feel. Alot may have to do with this new fellow
in the stew, Count Dooku (Christopher Lee). This mysterious Dooku
hangs out on planet Geonisis with a mutinous group of scallywags!
He's is up to no good I tell ya! Hmm, Count Doodoocookaroo also
looks exactly like that vampire guy from all those Hammer
Studios films form the late 60's early 1970's
highlight of the film is truly the special effects. The cast runs
around playing heroes and villains with tons of light sabers swingin'
about, a gaggle of Jedi are seen in action in a great (if a tad
over dramatic) fight scene, we get fantastic new creatures of
the other worlds and of course spacecrafts that are so perfectly
illustrated they look as if you could run over to BMW and order
a model of your own.
Star Wars fans will be in heaven as Lucas coddles us with all
our favorite tidbits behind the main moving the episode along
story; the introduction to many future key players (look for Princess
Leia's "dad" to be-she was adopted remember? Hint: Jimmy
Smits), the still-cool-after-all-these-years fore mentioned light
sabers, the quick bar scene with the mingling aliens complete
with intergalactic sporting events on wide screens, he's maintained
the goofy foreign food entree-like names for his characters, and
of course the awesome over-the-top digital billion-plus-trouper
battles. And not to ruin anything for you
but, Lucas and
crew finally give us a kick ass Yoda scene!
episode after episode we have heard of the greatness of this master
Jedi Yoda, yet he walks with a crutch (ala Tiny Tim) and speaks
with a kindness that makes it hard to picture him in battle
you're getting a big old can of Yoda whoop ass in this. Admittedly
at first your reaction will be to burst into loud giggles, since
it is just plain old humorous, but he IS Yoda and that initial
tickling of the funny bone quickly subsides as Yoda gets down
to being a Jedi- finally.
is most definitely for Star Wars fans, otherwise you may notice
flaws in the oh-so-typical story or the two dimensional development
of the characters. Poor Annikin (which all who follow the episodes
know turns into über villain Darth Vader) seems like a spoiled
teenager. He bursts into juvenile fits of anger at the drop of
a Nabooian fedora then sulks and glares like some anger management
class reject. He is riddled with a deep hatred for the world.
Say, isn't it clearly written in the Jedi handbook of pesky Jedi
rules that they are "not to know anger or hatred?" Oops
looks like one little Jedi wanna be wont be...
Snack Recommendation: Huge popcorn with platonium topping
and a diet coke...it's a long film.