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Miss Congeniality

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Starring: Sandra Bullock, Michael Caine, Benjimen Bratt, Candice Bergen and William Shatner

Directed By: Donald Petrie

Sandra Bullock is such a cute woman. She's like your whacky easy going distant cousin or something. A comfortable natural actress. I really love this chick. That's what's hard here. Her delivery of bad- sitcom- writing- put- on- film was as funny as she could have made it, but overall every scene in Miss Congeniality is just too Commander McObvious. Telegraphed. I actually rolled my eyes-TWICE!

Story goes a serial killer has sent a letter with a mysterious riddle to the FBI...They immediately figure it out; He plans on attacking the Miss United States contest. Hmm. What will they do? The FBI lead by a group of Neanderthal guys (here I mean) decide they need a sexy woman/agent to go undercover in the pageant. They all look around stupefied, right past C- Class- Tom Boy- Plane Jane agent Gracie Hart (Sandy). Who? They browse the FBI data base frantically. Who? Who? Light dawns on the rococo heads and -after they use a computer gadget to dress her in a bathing suit (don't ask)- they think "How about Gracie Hart? Could this shedog-classless-sweatpant wearing-bulldike pull it off? Nah, she'd never convince anyone she's attractive! Um people? It's just Sandra Bullock with a ponytail and no makeup. Give us a break! San's one of those natural beauties that rolls outta the bed with that ever perky cutesy ready to go face. Having all these (straight) guys rag on her seemed ridiculously spurious!

Okay, so go with it. Next scene please.

Gracie really needs this assignment to get her FBI career back on path. She's a bit of a defective detective and is presently up for the feared and dreaded review. She agrees to play girlie girl for the guyz.

Enter the head highfalutin pageant staff Stan (William Shatteredshadoobietner) and Kathy (Candice Bergen) who, too, think Gracie's simply hideous. They advise flamboyant makeover/pageant nazi specialist Vic (Michael "always fabulous" Caine) to make her into a woman ala an edited 48 hour My Fair Lady routine.

Viola! Vic, and his army of beauticians, transcend homely Gracie into a super model-esque -bombshell- babe central more than ready to play a Miss New Jersey. In other words Sandra Bullock with highlights and a touch of make-up shimmied into a figure hugging dress.

Gracie starts to find her feminine side-reluctantly (this equals most of the humor in the film). Oh, and now that she's actually attractive, she's starting to like boys too. Particularly her obnoxious cocky conceited-though-one-can-not-figure about what-coworker Eric. Natch- gotta have love no? Too many subplots.

Will she be able to redeem herself in the bureau via this charade? Will she shed her idiot never do well agent of the year status by catching the luntic? Will she ever learn to apply bikini wax, properly, on her own? SNORE!

Miss Congeniality relies completely on Bullock's exquisite timing. But even that doesn't help if you leave her up there with no script, paper mache costars, over acting TV stars, a woosie/lame/mentally unattractive love interest and a stale bagel of a story. Geeze without Bullock's performance this totally would have bit the rotting half eaten kielbasa in two. I mean MC is torpid and generic with way too few hearty laughs to keep you from squirmy about in your seat wondering "what time did Grinch start in theater four?" Rent Drop Dead Gorgeous if you want to see how a funny movie on the beauty pageant world is done! This is all formula

Snack recommendation: Donuts, pizza and beer.




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