Dawn of the Dead

Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mihki Pfifer, Jake Webber and Inna Korobkina
Directed by: Zack Snyder

Bluntly Speaking? It's more like Dawn of the Dull...The Deadly Dull. I like a good old snarling zombie type dining on living flesh flick as much as the rest of 'em - but please, please give me something to keep my interest between the necrosistic noshing and cheesy special effects!

Story goes… Ana (Sarah Polley) a nurse of the eve of all Hell breaking loose..feels things are a bit weird at her hospital. A man, in for a simple "bite," is now in I.C. fighting for his life. Hmm.

Whatever…she goes home and snookie cuddles with her husband.

When she's awakened by a young neighbor standing in her bedroom, snap turtleing her man's jugular, she's sure something's wrong.

Narrowly escaping her born again zombie spouse, and the evil tiny zombie, Ana joins up with a few of the still living and holes up in a local mall for safety.

The mall rats, in the form of security guards, are none too accommodating, but she her new friends, an ex-marine (Ving Rhames), a couple that are two-days-from-a-baby-popping (Mihki Pfifer and Inna Korobkina) and a clean-cut dull-kinda-bloke (Jake Webber), make do with the oddly instantly hostile trio of militant minimum wagers and set up house. As the clichés are flying and the dialog plods along, a few more "living-ish" folks find sanctuary among the mall's corridors.

But these survivers are getting bored..err...restless, and decide they must leave the mall. The plan? They figure, at dawn, they'll turn a couple of mall shuttle buses into chainsaw totin' tanks to weed through the dead in hopes of getting to a boat to sail to an island. Stupid? Yeah. But the film's not trying to be logical, smart or even terribly engaging…

In fact, nothing really happens aside from a big dead crowd gathering of thrift store hand-me-down clad movie-extras made up like cheap Halloween supplied block-party participants, dripping Hershey syrup-like blood, and nibbling on special effect "froth mouth" tablets, who stay by the mall's entrances growling and waiving their fists at their prey. Apparently zombies can't break glass doors. And then the shots we do get of the zombies in attack mode are too quick to indulge our effect lovin' eyeballs, they are repetitive and dull. Especially considering what could be done these days.

The best part of the film for me - besides its end - is the birth of the film's baby. Eek. As if childbirth were not in itself horrifically scary - this chick's maybe-baby is poking through her womb in that "It's Alive" manner. Yech. It looks very rabid hamster running in circles just below the skin line-ish. Shudder! Pass the Ortho Novum pate please!

The original film of the same name, by George A. Romero is still leaps and bounds above this new and supposedly improved edition. Rent George's, along with 28 Days Later or Cabin Fever for a trilogy of real scary zombie action in the safety of your own home!

Snack recommendation: A big ol' industrial popcorn to trough on and stay awake if you decide to forgo my warning and venture forth to fork over the geld to see this fiasco!