 Dogma
 
Starring:
Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino, Alan Rickman, Jason
Mewes, Selma Hayek, Kevin Smith and many more...
Directed by: Kevin Smith
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Hey, when
exactly did Ben Affleck get so goshdarn cute?
What's this? He acts too. Hmm. His sidekick, Matt 'Big teeth'
Damon I always thought was a great actor. Kudos to the new and
improved actor Ben.
Ben
always shines in pop-culture-camp-cult-icon writoer/director/
creator Kevin Smith's maniacal film creations. Smith has brought
us Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Clerks. He's infamous for those
cheapy movie, oops Indie flicks with stoners Jay and Silent
Bob? Yeah, he did Dogma too. Dogma
is
infused with Smith's usual blend of sarcasm mixed gently with
pubescent humor just like the others Smith has reigned over. This
one didn't tickle my fancy quite as heartily though...
 Story in a doggie bowl... We meet a seraph, (layman's
term: an Angel of Death) named Loki (Matt Damon). He has been
kicked out of heaven for listening to the conscience of his best
friend, ex-watcher angel Bartleby (Ben 'boom boom' Affleck).
Now Loki finds out how he and his best friend can get back through
the Pearly Gates and make nice with God. All they have to do is
get to New Jersey and walk through an archway at the 'Catholicity
Wow' campaign scheduled in a couple of days. They are kind of
sneaking in the back door. They have found da loophole in God's
complete power. Very deep.
What
happens next is just funny stuff, yet very intelligent at the
same time. Though, not really as well-put-together as the prior
Jersey chronicles, for sure. Director/writer Smith has all the
expected laughs; two 'modern day' prophets straight from the Bill
and Ted's Excellent Adventures set. His returning, Jay (laugh
riot Jason Mewes) is such a pigguy every time he speaks it's verbal
"man" diarrhea. Here we are in the middle of an apocalyptic
crisis and all he can think of is humping the last chick, who
is also the last descendant of Jesus Christ, and possible savior
of the world as we know it. MEN! The
other "prophet" is Jay's movie- trilogy buddy Silent
Bob played by Smith.
Smith mixes in a nefarious demon made of feces and other yummy
wasteful concoctions
( =men style toilet humor squared) which was the worst part of
the whole movie quite frankly. He semi-redeems himself by making
the unknown 13th apostle, Rufus (Chris 'Just a funny guy'
Rock), a bitter black man who wants it known Jesus was a really
brother, and sexy muse Serendipity, who dances in a strip bar
to inspire these days.
Serendipity is played by a verbally understandable Selma Hayek.
That's a first! Maybe she got some very needed English
pronunciation lessons since her basically indecipherable banter
in her Wild Wild West job this
past summer. Thank God.
These
hormone heavy pubescent prophets hook up with a disbelieving Bethany
(Linda Fiorentino). Bethany had a visit from Metatron (Alan 'way
under rated' Rickman) the angel  voice of God. He let her in on some of the facts, left some
of the more scary ones out. Metatron is a scene stealer dating
back to before time. Bottom line for Bethany? The world needs
her help. Beth isn't into her new found 'Saver of the World' role.
Then she has a change of heart. She just can't help it it's in
her blood to be kind to strangers, share the Inn, offer a cozy
manger, maybe serve a last supper with wine and water before oblivion.
Can she do it?George
Carlin is 'Mr. Church' Cardinal Glick, rhymes with...and he's
great. You can just tell he enjoys the parody a little too much.Tee
hee.
Jason Lee is the whiny little demon, Azreal. Spoiled and selfish
to perfection. Love this actor to pieces. He's a double dipped
butternut cone slowly dragged through Butterfinger©
bits and devoured slowly and methodically!
Dogma
has great moments, and very clever elements. See it just for that.
There are some just God awful parts where you're
about to exit towards the left, but just then the clever stuff
comes back. You may just leave with a little bit of the Holy Spirit
nestled in your funny bone. Natch, the church has been running
around screaming "blaspheme!" in high shreiky tones
shaking fists and stamping orthodox shoe wears...See it and decide.
It seems a little pro religion to me. Well, with a bit of Smith's
sinister wink-nudge sarcasm thrown in. It's not Clerks
or Mallrats, for that I held back a star just cause I could
(like Smith cares). The story is great.
 PS...Casting Alanis Morrisette as the almighty
has got to be a condemnable action.
Snack
recommendation: Mooby's Brand Breakfast Sandwiches
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