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Ghosts of Mars
NO STARS, IN FACT "—" (Negative 3 Stars)

Starring: Ice Cube,Natasha Henstridge, Jason Statham,Clea DuVall, Pam Grier and Joanna Cassidy

Directed?By: John Carpenter




Can anybody tell me the last time John Carpenter actually produced something worth seeing? I remember a few years back being absolutely tortured while watching that barf bag of frames called Vampires also directed by him. It may be the healing power of time, but I think Ghosts of Mars is actually worse...if possible!

Do the stars in this film have no management? Especially Jason Stratham, the oddly handsome British bloke from all the Guy Ritchie films of perfection. I can hardly believe he read this and said "oy, this sounds like a bit of the alright then! I'm gonna make me a 'orror film mum." Aagh.

Then there's oddly beautiful Clea Duvall (not related to Robert BTW) she has such a promising career. She stole her few scenes back in Girl Interrupted, why would she opt in to this? I always hear about struggling actresses and how hard it is to get work...maybe that's her excuse.

One can almost forgive the Bridget Fonda-esque Natasha Henstridge; she is after all the star of the movie...

Then there's Ice Cube who's name screams out for sarcastic metaphors to be thrown around freely, but because he's already scraping the bottom of the script pile I'm gonna cut him some slack here.
Pam Grier is the shining light of the whole damn abominable thing and they kill her first! Don't worry I'm not ruining the story-- and I use that term in it's lowest pre-school definition here- folks.

Ghosts of Mars has a theme similar to Final Fantasy's plot faux pas. Mars has dormant microbes that are awaken when miners unearth, er un-Mars them. They infect the workers who become extras looking for a Hellraiser set at Warner's studio. They come complete with pins and needles, masks made of human flesh and that Night of the Living Dead desire for humans! Oh scary...

When the commander (Pam Grier) and her troop of police show up to the mining town to escort prisoner Desolation Williams (Ice Cube Treats) back to the city all hell brakes loose. The zombies are stoppable, but there's just so gosh darn many of them!

Will the crew get out alive...What do you think?

Skip this, don't even rent it later or you'll be folding laundry to amuse yourself while it plays as a chore-night soundtrack-- of which there really was none-- in the back ground. The credits claim music by John, where? What an angry red planet waste of time.

Snack Recommendation: Dinner and skip the movies if this is all you haven't seen yet. Or find Ghost World- that's brilliant.


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