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Starring: Mike Meyers, Micheal Caine, Beyounce Knowles, Verne Troyer, Seth Green, Mindy Sterling, Heather Graham, Michael York...
Directed by: Jay Roach
Rated: PG-13


Yeah Baby! Goldmember, aka Austin Powers 3, is a frolicking mojo-infused laugh fest extravaganza folks! It's silly, stupid and just freakin' hysterical.

Admittedly I adore Mike Meyers and his brand of humor. If you don't you'll hate this I assure you. Be warned, Goldmember throws every past proven hit at you and takes the genre of "potty" humor to a new level by adding about a gazillion squared bowel and dick jokes into the haggis. All the while letting you (the audience) now they (the cast) know you're there by continually "breaking the fourth wall" or glancing out at you to wink. A technique I often find funny and here especially.

Is it brilliant? No. Is it fresh? No. But it's a silly summer soiree with Meyers, his bevy of characters, and talented cast mates that'll lighten your day a a comedy is suppose to.

Goldmember's story (and I use that word in its most elementary form - though without contempt) finds delishly dashing studmuffin Austin Powers (Mike Meyers), the perpetually horny 1960's International Man Of Mystery, now fully residing in the present day. He's given up his swinging pad of beatniks and mods and presently dwells among the technologies of today. Of course he still dresses like a fifth Beatle on the Sgt. Pepper cover and his pad is still a Peter Max blur of colors complete with mods and beatniks lingering about, but who's nitpicking?

He's just been knighted by the Queen and even though Aus is a super sexy beast with oodles of adoring minions and fab chickbabes parading around his perimeter. But even for happy-go-lucky Aus, some things never change. See Austin's daddy Nigel (Michael - nice choppers Alfie - Caine), was once again not there for Austin. Sniff.

Nigel, who himself is a super sexy ladiesman and former spy, has just never been the hands-on father figure Austin longed for. But none the less, when a horrible evildoer named Goldmember (Mike Meyers as well) kidnaps the older spy-who-loves-to-shag Austin must travel back in time to rescue him from certain peril.

Back Austin goes in his swanky time -traveling pimp mobile. Back to 1975 he treks to catch the evil Goldmember in his evil lair…. a discothèque ala Studio 54.

Goldmember has a disturbing evilism; he paints the penises of his nemisis' gold - hence the clever name. That and it was a 007 Bond film keeping with the whole British spy story the series follows. Duh.

The introduction of "Goldmember" and his artful evil signature also happens to be Penis Reference 1298271 and we are only ten minutes into the film.

At the club/evil lair Austin meets up with this episodes vixen, Foxy Cleopatra (Beyounce Knowles). FC is a cool sleak chickbabe with a styling fro and oodles of woman power attitude. Austin can barely behave.

Austin finds his father while…. what's this? Goldmember has escaped back into the future?And joined Dr. Evil in Evil's latest lair…. a Dr. Evil shaped submarine? Naturally Foxy and Austin follow and the true mayhem ensues. Dr. Evil and Goldmember have hatched an evil plan to flood the world unless the world forks over one billion gazillion trillion yen. Austin is the only secret agent that can stop them.

Basically it's the same story as before with the same cast…. even the same jokes. But Goldmember is still a hootenanny of extreme proportions. Your old faves are there like Fat Bastard, Dr. Evil, Mini-me, Frau Farbissen, Number Two, Scott and so on.

The new sexy sidekick Foxy Cleopatra played by Beyonce Knowles is as beautiful and enjoyable as Austin's past loves. Knowles is the lead from that sensation de jour Destiny's Child. A stunning woman.

Meyers' new character Goldmember is an alabastor blonde freckled Dutchman with grotesque personal idiosyncrasies like nibbling on his wafer-thin ever-peeling skin, an odd annoying vernacular and outrageous gold-toned creepy perv leisure wear complete with protruding groin area accents. Shiver. This newbie is just plain old funny and makes Fat Bastard and his love of his own bowel movements and ill placed hedonism relatively charming. Meyers proves he can still whip up rounded characters from his mind of pure comic genius! So let's count ....Meyers, who is by far one of the greatest living comedians, plays four roles in this film; Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, Fat Bastard and Goldmember. Each takes tons of make up and each is decidely different. Mikey delivers them flawlessly and exact as expected. Though Goldmember's mannerisms are a tad Dr. Evilish if -he-were-a-eunuch-ish.

Frau Farbissen, played by the brilliant Mindy Sterling, has a few juicy scenes with her mate Dr. Evil. If you're ever in Los Angeles look up Mindy at The Groundlings. She's a member of the troupe and often stars in their fabulous "Cooking With Gas" show on Thursday nights….her 'son' Seth Green, often shows as well.

You know Seth better as Scott, Dr. Evil and Frau Farbissin's disgruntled goody-two-shoes-son. Here the lad has a few key scenes with pappa.

Dr. Evil's other son, Mini-me played by Verne Troyer, delivers a few sidesplitting scenes too. Verne's funniest frames involve outlandish violence on the poor diminutive fellow.

Sure Goldmember's not new, fresh, ground breaking or any of the words one usually longs for to draw you out of the comfort of your domicile. It's really the same old song and dance but for your bone tickling fancy Myers has added the adorable Foxy Cleopatra, his latest creation "Goldmember", penned just about every phallic pun known to man into one script and called in a few campy super celebrity cameos from the likes of heavy guns Tom Cruise, Danny DeVito, Gwenyth Paltrow, and snugalufagus Kevin Spacey. The Hollywood Ivy League play the "Hollywood" versions of Austin, Mini-me, Foxy and Dr. Evil in the Hollywood blockbuster based on Austin's "real-life" exploits.


Goldmember is silly silly stuff that will have you bashing your head against the chair in front of you all over again if yur a Austin fan - which I firmly am. Yeah, parts are dull-o-rama and have you checking for the exit signs, but for the most part it's just guffaws and funny naughty daggling bits baby! Lighten up and head over to the multiplex Myers has done it again as far as I'm concerned. Enjoy.

Snack Recommendation: A blitze and a bong….or maybe a smoke and pancakes…or perhaps a cigar and waffle?

Official Site

Oh yeah Brittany Spears is in it too....I almost forgot......


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