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Just MarriedJust Married

Starring: Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Rated: PG-13

Romantic comedies are two fold…there is supposed to be romance and then of course comedy. Just Married has neither. Aside from the fact that both Brittany Murphy and Ashton Kutcher are both adorable this film has absolutely no energy or passion. It's a screenplay written as if by a first attempter at a mock-Sid Field seminar. Yech.

The story telegraphed across the screen and the puppets, err, actors follow along hopelessly. Teenagers (the girls) will love this (as Ashton is delectable on purely superficial levels) and be immune to the bizzilion faults...but the rest of us?

Story goes Tom (Ashton Kutcher) meets Sarah (Brittany Murphy) they fall instantly smitten and decide to move in together. But of course she comes from great wealth and he's an average Joe working his way up at a local radio station- so you know the "class" card will be played soon.

Still they move in together and then - within about twenty minutes of the film - decide they should get married.

Cue the hostile reaction from the rich family, but love conquers all. Snore.

They head off to Europe for their honeymoon and the trouble starts for them and us...the poor audience.

The two apparently don't know each other that well, though we are told in a sentence before hand they've lived together for nine months.

Tom begins the downfall of their precious honeymoon at a five star castle/hotel by plugging in a sex toy (roar-guffaw-snort NOT). Instead of being a gentleman with the hotel's owner he starts a barrage of insults on the man, which - naturally- leaves the two hoteless.

More silly unbelievable scenes prevail and the end up in Venice, thanks to Sarah's dad they are now at the swanky Gianni Hotel. Tom leaves his bride to watch a Dodgers game…Sarah starts to sulk even more…then a rival (Christian Kane) the screenwriter has established from the first act shows up at the very same hotel. Imagine that? What are the odds?

Since the two are arguing, Sarah decides to go for a ride with the rival and as she returns she is spotted getting a kiss from the guy from Tom on the balcony. He doesn't see the slap she follows rival's advancement with and the two start wailing on each other.

The rival shows up in the room with some lame attempt to win her back (one of the only romantic - if still trite in a sea of trite- scenes in the film). That's it the final straw. Tom attacks him and after a short stint in an Italian jail, the two return to America ready for divorce court….

But Tom has a talk with his father and miraculously sees the light about love and understanding. Barf.

I couldn't wait for the credits to roll so I could race to freedom! The movie's kinetic undeveloped and excruciatingly predictable. Shame on all involved.

Ashton Kutcher may be the lava hot "it" boy thanks to his abilities at comedy and his devilishly handsome face - but if he wants to be a around awhile he should really think through a script. His next film The Guests may be better…I hope so. His audience (predominently frilly teenagers) will grow up shortly...and when they do hiddeous attempts like these won't squeak through merely on his posterboy good looks!

Brittany Murphy is way better than this. You gotta love a chick that's not afraid to have blazing roots in every film! Balls. Seems she and Kutcher are now an item - so I guess something good came out of this poop.

Avoid this like stale Bundt cake!

Snack Recommendation: Dinner and another film altogether!


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