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 Just
Married
Starring:
Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Rated: PG-13
Romantic comedies are two fold…there is supposed to be romance
and then of course comedy. Just Married has neither. Aside
from the fact that both Brittany Murphy and Ashton Kutcher are
both adorable this film has absolutely no energy or passion. It's
a screenplay written as if by a first attempter at a mock-Sid
Field seminar. Yech.
The
story telegraphed across the screen and the puppets, err, actors
follow along hopelessly. Teenagers (the girls) will love
this (as Ashton is delectable on purely superficial levels) and
be immune to the bizzilion faults...but the rest of us?
Story
goes Tom (Ashton Kutcher) meets Sarah (Brittany Murphy) they fall
instantly smitten and decide to move in together. But of course
she comes from great wealth and he's an average Joe working his
way up at a local radio station- so you know the "class"
card will be played soon.
Still
they move in together and then - within about twenty minutes of
the film - decide they should get married.
Cue
the hostile reaction from the rich family, but love conquers all.
Snore.
They
head off to Europe for their honeymoon and the trouble starts
for them and us...the poor audience.
The two apparently don't know each other that well, though we
are told in a sentence before hand they've lived together for
nine months.
Tom
begins the downfall of their precious honeymoon at a five star
castle/hotel by plugging in a sex toy (roar-guffaw-snort NOT).
Instead of being a gentleman with the hotel's owner he starts
a barrage of insults on the man, which - naturally- leaves the
two hoteless.
More
silly unbelievable scenes prevail and the end up in Venice, thanks
to Sarah's dad they are now at the swanky Gianni Hotel. Tom leaves
his bride to watch a Dodgers game…Sarah starts to sulk even
more…then a rival (Christian Kane) the screenwriter has established
from the first act shows up at the very same hotel. Imagine that?
What are the odds?
Since
the two are arguing, Sarah decides to go for a ride with the rival
and as she returns she is spotted getting a kiss from the guy
from Tom on the balcony. He doesn't see the slap she follows rival's
advancement with and the two start wailing on each other.
The
rival shows up in the room with some lame attempt to win her back
(one of the only romantic - if still trite in a sea of trite-
scenes in the film). That's it the final straw. Tom attacks him
and after a short stint in an Italian jail, the two return to
America ready for divorce court….
But
Tom has a talk with his father and miraculously sees the light
about love and understanding. Barf.
I
couldn't wait for the credits to roll so I could race to freedom!
The movie's kinetic undeveloped and excruciatingly predictable.
Shame on all involved.
Ashton Kutcher may be the lava hot "it" boy thanks to
his abilities at comedy and his devilishly handsome face - but
if he wants to be a around awhile he should really think through
a script. His next film The Guests may be better…I
hope so. His audience (predominently frilly teenagers) will grow
up shortly...and when they do hiddeous attempts like these won't
squeak through merely on his posterboy good looks!
Brittany
Murphy is way better than this. You gotta love a chick that's
not afraid to have blazing roots in every film! Balls. Seems she
and Kutcher are now an item - so I guess something good came out
of this poop.
Avoid
this like stale Bundt cake!
Snack
Recommendation: Dinner and another film altogether!
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