 Failure
to Launch
Starring:
Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Bates
Directed by Tom
Dey
Bluntly
speaking? Failure to Launch fails to entertain - in the least. It's
a one-joke premise that they've stretched nylon thin in the guise of a blockbuster
comedy. Huston, we have a huge problem here: even the ever-dapper Matthew McConaughey
can't make we admirers-of-men folk art feel the flirt. Story
goes…Tripp (Mathew McConaughey), is a happy-go-lucky yacht salesman. He's
about thirty-five years old and still lives at home. But, whoa Nelly. Tripp's
not your average run-of-the-mill Star-Trek Convention styled geek or mid-life
lumpy loser your mind's eye expects to be a couch dwelling n'r do well with one
bushy eyebrow. No. He's a handsome, witty, well groomed, grinning fella complete
with a sleek black Porshe accessory. Seems, dear Tripp is just happier at home
with his mother waiting on him, and living the life of Riley… His
parents - however - have had it. They decide they must intervene. Through a friend
they discover there's a service available to them - a professional intervener.
They hire Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker) to date their son, get close to him, build
up his self-esteem and ultimately make him want to move out all on his own - like
a big boy. But
Tripp's not as feeble minded as all around him have him chalked up to. See, Tripp
uses his whole "living at home still" scenario to his advantage. He
understands the parents are like the kiss of death to his relationships, and milks
it like the golden uddered way-out-of-commitment cow it is. When he senses a gal
pal is getting too close he brings her home and she meets his room mates/ kinfolk.
This has successfully kyboshed any long-term intimate shenanigans thus far. Ah,
but this sparky sparkplug Paula doesn't shake so easy…of course she's hired,
but that doesn't stop her from falling for the big Palooka on her own heart's
time... Didn't
see that coming did you? The
characters smattered about to fill in the celluloid are wildly unoriginal and
disposable. Paula's close friend is from the angst ridden antisocial Goth character
mold and cut, and is wielded devoid of any oomph by starting-to-grate-on-one's-nerves
Ms. Zooey Deshanel. Then there are "Tripp's" wafer-thin guy-comedy armored
friends (Justin Bartha aka "The Deep Computer Geek Who's Secretly Hot and
Successful" and Bradley Cooper aka "The Hot Jock Friend Who's Secretly
a Geek and Deep." ), a forced nephew (Tyrell Jackson Williams), and his suffering
parents brought to milk-toast life by Terry Bradshaw and an uberly-wasted Kathy
Bates.
Matthew McConaughey is undeniably edibly scrumptious, and admittedly he does make
a predetermind homogenized theatrical viewing a tad more negotiable. Hell, he's
even been known to prompt a rebel yell of, "Damn the reviews I need a Texan-sized
manfix." But remember dear readers, not since Frailty have we seen
him actually deliver a likable, memorable, character; doubt me? Think Sahara.
Alas, even his smilin' eyes, pearly white snarl and understated drawl atop a heckofa
extremely delectable physique grow - dare we speak it - Dullsville with a quick
ramp to Smarmyland. There's a swell boys-gone-surfin' scene that'll have you sitting
at attention - albeit briefly - as this visual respite is but a brief glimpse
of joy as the writers again try to force humor into the romp de la mundane. Speaking
of mundane…poor Sarah Jessica Parker there's not an iota of believable movieland
compatibility 'tween her and Mr. Handsome. And, thanks in part to Matt's manlyberrybeast
beauty, you really notice how truly unattractive this twelve-year old bodied woman
is; down to her horse-veined neck. Though her mane, err, hair is very nice…
The
cool part of the Failure To Launch viewing experience was the new preview
for MI: 3 - with Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a bad guy - prior to the film
actually starting. Snack
recommendation: Seafood festival fixins
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