gaggle of Wayans ,in and behind the first 240 million something
dollar smash hit, Scary Movie that
had promised "no sequel" are back with Scary
Movie 2...But it is Hollywood! And there was all that
cash-o-la to consider. Besides, who really means that when
they say it? We all whine, but we all love sequels!
had an opportunity to sit down one- on- one with the cutest Wayans
(in my opinion) of all...No, not Shawn (that boy is suspiciously
pretty). I mean the youngest youngin in the click, Marlon.
He's a delicately handsome mansteak! Extremely animated with the
family infused witt and of a decidedly climbable height. Man,
was he one retina pleasing mankabab, and a sharp dressed son-of-a
beach too. I reserved myself and hardly drooled. A real lady folks.
spilled the beans on what we are to expect in Scary
Movie 2, and I didn't even have to slip him the roofies
I had ready in case he was gonna clam up ...At one piont I could
have sworn he said they spoofed "poultrygeist," which
if he didn't he should have...
received the coveted Emily Blunt Just Cause I Care Basket.
every personally interviewed celebrity receives the basket. I
know I know I'm sweet. Each gift basket is prepared, delicately
and thoughtfully by myself and designed for the individual need
or taste...Marlon's contained various personal sundry items, such
as unisex bikini shavers, anti bacterial wipes, port-a-toilet
paper, bathroom reading, my private telephone line embossed on
perfumed paper- just in case- and of course a private mini-Zen
garden for relaxation after a hard day with the press.
was tickled pink with the choices, 'cause as he so elegantly put
it "you can't be smellin' like ass, I hate smellin like ass
" Right on my brother...Enough
small words here's da man...
I noticed in the...[I am distracted by the handsome mansteak trying
to nonchalantly blow his nose. Then he horses around with exaggerating
tissues stuck up his nose]
MW: I'm sorry.
EB: Let me get the camera now.
EB: There's Listerine in your care package.
MW: Oh really? Damn, thank you!
EB: Well, this place has gorgeous people. You wanna look your
best, and you know, on these press junkets you don't wanna be
MW: [he's looking through his package and continues]Yeah, you
...can't smell like ass.
EB: No, it's good not to smell like ass.
MW: I hate smellin' like ass. Last time I smelled like that people
were real mad at me.
EB: I noticed in the 30 second trailer that they actually had
couriered over to me, I want you to know, that's all I've seen...
MW: Which one was it?
EB: The one where they have the haunted house and they have the,
I think, Shawn morphing like in "What Lies Beneath."
MW: Yeah, then he goes into sequel talk.
EB: Yeah, they couriered it over.
MW: They did?
EB: Yeah, and I just burst into laughter- 30 seconds long- that
will help me....
EB: I noticed that Anna Farris is back?
MW: Uh huh.
EB: Who else is coming back in the "Scary..."
MW: Anybody who wanted a check. Me, Shawn...No, I'm joking.
Me, Shawn, Anna and Regina. All the ...you know... us four, the
four people that people really recognize really big from the first
one, and...I mean...me and Shawn, we wrote it, so we gonna write
ourselves in that.
EB: You wrote the first one, too.
EB: But there's a list...yeah...
MW: But we wrote it with Phil Bowman and Buddy Johnson, but this
one we wrote with Greg Grabianski, Dave Polsky, Craig Wayans,
Alison Fouse, and Michael Anthony Snowden
EB: Oh, so everybody kinda collaborated.
MW: Yeah, we gangbanged this script.
EB: Speaking of gangbang, [MW: Hard laughter] you were naked...
You were naked in "Requiem for a Dream."
MW: Nice ass, huh?
EB: Oh, Jesus Christ yes!
MW: Thank you!
EB: Oh my God, thank God for DVD!
MW: Thank you!
EB: Now I hear that Shawn's baring butt.
MW: Yeah, Shawn's butt naked in this one. His turn.
I've been naked in every movie down there. I'm naked in everything,
so finally I got to keep some clothes on and he's naked.
EB: Are you seeking therapy for that, or is it...
MW: Yeah, I let America see my ass. I let...it's a nice ass.
EB: A very nice ass.
EB: You're right.
MW: If it wasn't...
EB: A little skinny.
MW: Now Michael Douglas need not show his ass.
MW: Now Michael Douglas got that old man ass.
EB: He looks much better in real person, though.
MW: Not his ass, though.
EB: I never saw his ass.
MW: I know Catherine Zeta just...she just...every time he gets
up and goes to the bathroom she say, "God damn."
EB: Yeah, sure. Okay. The references in "Scary Movie
1" numbered in the hundreds. Well, at least thirteen or fourteen.
Um...how many you gonna do in this next one? Is it gonna be the
same kind of deal with all the spoofing?
MW: We have everything!
MW: We got. I mean because this one we...the first one was slasher
films and of course we got everything else, you know that wasn't
slash films, too, but this one we did haunted houses and the supernatural.
We got everything from "What Lies Beneath," the "Poltergeist"
to "Ghost" to...you know to "Exorcist" to...you
know we got "Hannibal." We have "What Lies..."
I mean, we have everything!
EB: Excellent! How'd you come up with the idea for "Scary
MW: 2 or 1?
EB: Well, the whole idea.
MW: Just sitting in the theaters watching...you know...watching
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" and I said this is
bullshit! I know what I be doin' next summer - writing
me a movie about this.
EB: Fantastic. Why do you think your movie made it so big when
others tried to do this and it failed?
MW: I think it's our family point of view. I mean nobody...it...it's
kind of like them doing "Living Color"...you know, opposed
to when Keenen left, and as soon as he left that show and our
family left, the flavor of the show left.
EB: Stinky pooh- pooh.
EB: You can say it.
MW: It's bullshit. And you had Jim Carrey
still on and you had all those great talents, but without the
certain point of view, it doesn't mean anything.
EB: Yeah, they went...
MW: You got the goods, man, the Wayans got the goods.
EB: Oh my God, yes. Geniuses!
MW: We are, we are [winking-then humble]...my mom is the genius.
EB: Now your brother, Keenen, directed this one as well, right?
MW: Uh huh. [reaches over and reads my notes]
EB: Yeah, I know. Um, both...
MW: You lookin' at your notes an all?
EB: Yeah, I have to because I have no memory cells...
EB: Blame the drug years. Um...
EB: It seems like all you guys would do would be goofing on the
set, 95% fun and...
MW: No, all the goofin' goes in the script! We don't play that
goofin' on the set..You know no wasted funny man. Put it all in
EB: So you mean your professionals? [sarcastically]
MW: Can you believe it? [sarcastic]
EB: I can't.[sarcastic]
MW: We actually work! Yeah, man. We figure like this -
we gonna waste funny or put funny out there? No, we gonna put
it in the script. We never have time for funning. No time for
pranks; no time for ...
EB: That's what you say to the uprising comedians of the world?
Don't waste funny.
MW: Don't waste funny. Put it in the script.
EB: Bravo! Now your audience has been waiting with bated breath
for this one to come out. Is there gonna be any difference, or
is it just gonna be a complete spoof with the same kind of play
on scenes we know? The plot was fantastic on "Scary Movie
I," by the way. Thewhole concept...silly.
MW: Well, I think because "Scream" had that plot laid
out, you know. What this one...unfortunately, this one has the
same story as "Scream" did only because it had that
plot, that whodunit situation...And when you're doing like...if
you watch the "Haunting" and all these movies you just
go, "What the hell is this story again?" and so...some
of it you gonna go what the hell is this story again? But, ours
is so funny who cares? Nobody's gonna sit there and go the
story was long!!!! We just makin' it to laugh about it. It's a
laugh riot. From the time you sit down to the time you you leave.
EB: You guaranteeing that?
MW: I guarantee you gonna laugh.
EB: Hmm...all right.
MW: Hard. A lot of people sayin' it's funnier than the
EB: Huh. [okay, okay- I wasn't crazy about Scary Movie- BUT I
love me some Wayans]
EB: Lemme ask you something totally different. Um...you just hosted
"Teenapalooza." What is...
MW: No. I'm about to.
EB: It's live?
MW: Yeah. We're about to host it, I think, Thursday.[ to his handlers
and friends] Is that gonna be live? [they nod and say yes]
EB: Ohhh...What is a "Palooza?"
MW: I have no idea. I...I think it's...teens...I think it's a
MW: A palooza is a teen concert.
EB: I thought maybe "palooza" is a word for concert
in like American Indian or something?
MW: I don't know...I know...I have no idea.
MW: Palooza sounds like a dingding or something like that.
EB: A dirty word.
MW: A fresh word for a body part.
EB: Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
MW: Yeah. [Laughter]. I put my palooza in your mouth. [laughter].
EB: It's a little bit pornographic. Did you write the movie too
cutey quiet one over there [a quiet Wayans in the corner Craig]
MW: Yeah...he's a writer, too.
EB: Hello! Pleasure! [I extend my hand to the handsome fellow-
then back to Marlon] Do you have a web page where people can go
and check out Scary Movie 2.
MW: Uh...a "Scary Movie" web page?
MW: Uh, I think there's a "Scary Movie 2" web page right
now up and running.
EB: Do you know the address of it?
MW: Scarymovie2.com. [it's not folks sorry)
EB: Is there naked pictures of Shawn or you up there?
MW: No, but I'll put some on there if they wanna see 'em.
EB: Would you?
EB: Now you have a website, right? You have www.marlonwayans.com?
MW: Yeah, but I don't really...you know, I gotta really get into
it. The web is played out. Just like Betamax.
EB: Of course that's my whole survival, web, but that's
MW: Oh, I'm sorry! My bad...
EB: That's all right. It's okay. I can take it I'm made of titanium
steel. No, I am web-based.
EB: Yeah. Yeah. Really, really...
MW: Shit, sorry man. [he lunges over me to the seat in front of
me -instead of beside me...Here I thought he was gettin' busy-
[mock-blushing] Ah oh.
MW: Gimme a crick in my neck.
EB: All right. Um...[flustered with the closeness of the gorgeous
Wayans..] Your family is obviously numbering in what, the hundreds?
How many Wayans are there?
MW: Thousands. We don't have a family no more. We're called a
EB: A gaggle. How many are there, seriously?
MW: I call it a gang. A TRIBE! A bunch of us runnin' round.
EB: And all very good looking.
MW: Thank you very much! Momma and Daddy had some wonderful nights.
EB: Oh, my God! [again, this lad makes me blush...]
MW: Despite my Daddy's alcoholism, we came out good looking! [laughter]
EB: I'll erase that.
MW: I'm joking. [laughter]
EB: How many are there?
MW: Five boys, five girls.
EB: That's it?
MW: Uh huh.
EB: There's only ten?
MW: I got nephews and nieces cause they multiply. You know, you
have kids and they have kids and...
EB: And so on. It's like that weird hair commercial.
MW: Yeah. [laughter].
All right. "Scary
Movie 2 " opens on July 4th, right?
MW: Yes ma'm.
EB: [eyebrow up- he lost me. M'AM? DO I LOOK LIKE A SENIOR CITIZEN...but
I composed myself] What's next for you now with all this excitement.
Of course, you've got "Teenapolooza"
and that's...you know...academy award award winning work.
MW: That's funny. Okay. [laughter] I can't even look that far
in the future.
EB: Really? 'Cause you've done some other movies. I mean, "Requiem
For a Dream " was ingenious. What made you do something
MW: I don't know...drugs. Uh-uh...no
EB: Brilliant script.
MW: Yeah. Darren Aronofsky made me want to do that movie. I seen
the script and I was like, you know what? I wanna work with him
'cause I love what he did with the camera in Pi
love what he did with characters, and his actors and so when I...I
knew he had a strong vision and...you know...the sides are abandoned...like
I hate abandoning self. You know, like now I'm in love with doing
our movies, so for me to leave the camp to go do that means
I really trust
in his vision and...uh...I'm glad I did it.
EB: Yeah, it's wonderful.
MW: Thank you.
EB: I'm surprised you didn't get any more press on that. That
MW: Man...[he agrees with sad face]
EB: It's always something. Okay, now people think that you just
walked into this 'cause of your family. Is it...
MW: [he jumps back to the last question] Actually next we might
be doing just regular comedies. Me and Shawn is gonna try and
stamp the buddy brand and me and him spin off and do a lot of
buddy comedies together. One we have which is a boy band...we're
a strugglin' R&B band and we sucked as an R&B band and
so what we do is we try and make it in the music industry and
we disguise ourselves as white boys and we join like an 'N Sync
band and we gotta disguise
the fact that we're black.
EB: That's hysterical!
EB: Premise alone I'm sure you can pull it off.
MW: Uh, we hope so.
EB: All the faith in the world.
MW: Thank you.
EB: So people think because of your family you just walk into
a role and there is no casting and all of that. "Requiem"
I think would prove that you probably had to get that role.
MW: I had to audition for that like five times!
EB: Huh. Were they afraid because your comedy?
MW: No, they's afraid 'cause I was on the WB, and they's like,
hell, no, you ain't poisoning our movie! [group laughter]
EB: Everybody ranks on the WB. What's with that?
MW: I rank on 'em now. I wasn't ranking when I was on 'em...
EB: Yeah, good point.
MW: 'Cause I ain't gettin' a check no more. They all bullcrap.
I like the UPN personally.
EB: Yeah, they have some good shows on there actually.
EB: Yeah. [sarcasm so smooth he looks confused]
EB: They do. [again, bat-of-the-eyelashes-sincere sarcasm- he's
falling for it]
MW: Get off.
EB: Well, you know, some of the writing is good. It's just that...I
think they just cast cookie-cutter actors and actresses sometimes
and it's like the writing is there.
MW: Yeah. [kind of sure I'm teasing now-catching on] WB made uh...a
false turn by they...they just became like the teen network. Everything
was like "Dawson's Creek," "Felicity"...you
know, it just became the same show over and over again and they
abandoned what got 'em there, which was comedies.
EB: Yeah. And originality.
EB: That figures. It always happens. With the family you've got,
who's your biggest influence?
MW: In my family?
EB: Yeah. Out of your family members, and then we'll go on to...
MW: I think all of them are. I can't pick one in specific because...uh...they
all influence me, from my brother, Keenen, to Damon, to Shawn,
to Elvira, Davon, Deidra, all of 'em influence me in some way,
and as the baby, I get to watch them make mistakes or get to learn
from their wins and their losses, so I got my mom and dad and...I'm
an accumulation of everybody.
EB: Fantastic! And anybody outside of the camp?
Nada. If you ain't a Wayans, I ain't got nothing to do with you.
You ain't influencing me [giggle].
EB: Well, there's enough of you, so I guess you can draw from
a plethera of things.
MW: Yeah. We got one for everything.
EB: Okay. And then finally, the most important question...Who's
the dreamiest Wayans?
MW: You mean the cutest?
EB: Yeah! Who do you think is the...yourself...
MW: Of course...
EB: Or you gonna go for Shawn?
MW: Shawn, the pretty one! Momma's golden child! Marlon - the
ugly one! The accident! Oh, da all say Shawn's so ..so..pretty,
and Marlon, the...oh...ha...the funny one. Yeah, dog meat ...Shawn
"The pretty one". The beautiful child. The one that
needs makeup to take a shower - pretty Shawn.
EB: Are you...are you okay? [overly serious and concerned]
MW: Straight! [laughter]
EB: Anyway, thank you very much. Your movie opens on July 4th?
MW: July 4th.
MW: Thank you.
EB: Pleasure meeting you.
MW: Nice to meet you, too. Thank you for my gift package. No one
ever gets me nothin'
EB: Oh, you're welcome! Enjoy it.
MW: I will.
EB: There also happens to be an Emily Blunt tee-shirt in there.
MW: Really! Fuu.. man.
EB: I know. I know. It's coveted.
MW: Get outta here!
EB: And...and if I see it on E-Bay...
MW: [hard laughter]
EB: ...I swear to God, I'll hunt you down and kill you! [Joke]
I sure hope Scary Movie 2 doesn't
suck...I don't want to have to give it the toilet bowl review
Freddie Got Fingered enjoyed....He's
a nice, good lookin (and smelling) genuinely funny guy. And, so
handsome, I needed a slurpee to "cool down" even though
the room we interviewed in was 50° below. Yum-o-rama. Marlon
and I said our good-byes, and
walked off into the sun ( literally 105 degree sun). He and his
family went off to sight-see, I raced home to see if my "O
Brother Where Arth Thou" DVD was in the mail...