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The gaggle of Wayans ,in and behind the first 240 million something dollar smash hit, Scary Movie that had promised "no sequel" are back with Scary Movie 2...But it is Hollywood! And there was all that cash-o-la to consider. Besides, who really means that when they say it? We all whine, but we all love sequels!

I had an opportunity to sit down one- on- one with the cutest Wayans (in my opinion) of all...No, not Shawn (that boy is suspiciously pretty). I mean the youngest youngin in the click, Marlon.

He's a delicately handsome mansteak! Extremely animated with the family infused witt and of a decidedly climbable height. Man, was he one retina pleasing mankabab, and a sharp dressed son-of-a beach too. I reserved myself and hardly drooled. A real lady folks.

He spilled the beans on what we are to expect in Scary Movie 2, and I didn't even have to slip him the roofies I had ready in case he was gonna clam up ...At one piont I could have sworn he said they spoofed "poultrygeist," which if he didn't he should have...

Marlon received the coveted Emily Blunt Just Cause I Care Basket. Which every personally interviewed celebrity receives the basket. I know I know I'm sweet. Each gift basket is prepared, delicately and thoughtfully by myself and designed for the individual need or taste...Marlon's contained various personal sundry items, such as unisex bikini shavers, anti bacterial wipes, port-a-toilet paper, bathroom reading, my private telephone line embossed on perfumed paper- just in case- and of course a private mini-Zen garden for relaxation after a hard day with the press.

Mar was tickled pink with the choices, 'cause as he so elegantly put it "you can't be smellin' like ass, I hate smellin like ass " Right on my brother...Enough small words here's da man...

EB: I noticed in the...[I am distracted by the handsome mansteak trying to nonchalantly blow his nose. Then he horses around with exaggerating tissues stuck up his nose]
MW: I'm sorry.
EB: Let me get the camera now.
MW: Listerine?
EB: There's Listerine in your care package.
MW: Oh really? Damn, thank you!
EB: Well, this place has gorgeous people. You wanna look your best, and you know, on these press junkets you don't wanna be stinkin',
MW: [he's looking through his package and continues]Yeah, you ...can't smell like ass.
EB: No, it's good not to smell like ass.
MW: I hate smellin' like ass. Last time I smelled like that people were real mad at me.
EB: I noticed in the 30 second trailer that they actually had couriered over to me, I want you to know, that's all I've seen...
MW: Which one was it?
EB: The one where they have the haunted house and they have the, I think, Shawn morphing like in "What Lies Beneath."
MW: Yeah, then he goes into sequel talk.
EB: Yeah, they couriered it over.
MW: They did?
EB: Yeah, and I just burst into laughter- 30 seconds long- that will help me....
MW: [Laughter].
EB: I noticed that Anna Farris is back?
MW: Uh huh.
EB: Who else is coming back in the "Scary..."
MW: Anybody who wanted a check. Me, Shawn...No, I'm joking. Me, Shawn, Anna and Regina. All the know... us four, the four people that people really recognize really big from the first one, and...I and Shawn, we wrote it, so we gonna write ourselves in that.
EB: You wrote the first one, too.
MW: Yeah.
EB: But there's a list...yeah...
MW: But we wrote it with Phil Bowman and Buddy Johnson, but this one we wrote with Greg Grabianski, Dave Polsky, Craig Wayans, Alison Fouse, and Michael Anthony Snowden
EB: Oh, so everybody kinda collaborated.
MW: Yeah, we gangbanged this script.
EB: Speaking of gangbang, [MW: Hard laughter] you were naked... You were naked in "Requiem for a Dream."
MW: Nice ass, huh?
EB: Oh, Jesus Christ yes!
MW: Thank you!
EB: Oh my God, thank God for DVD!
MW: Thank you!
EB: Now I hear that Shawn's baring butt.
MW: Yeah, Shawn's butt naked in this one. His turn.
I've been naked in every movie down there. I'm naked in everything, so finally I got to keep some clothes on and he's naked.
EB: Are you seeking therapy for that, or is it...
MW: Yeah, I let America see my ass. I's a nice ass.
EB: A very nice ass.
MW: Exactly.
EB: You're right.
MW: If it wasn't...
EB: A little skinny.
MW: Now Michael Douglas need not show his ass.
EB: No.
MW: Now Michael Douglas got that old man ass.
EB: He looks much better in real person, though.
MW: Not his ass, though.
EB: I never saw his ass.
MW: No.
EB: No.
MW: I know Catherine Zeta just...she just...every time he gets up and goes to the bathroom she say, "God damn."
EB: Yeah, sure. Okay. The references in "Scary Movie 1" numbered in the hundreds. Well, at least thirteen or fourteen. many you gonna do in this next one? Is it gonna be the same kind of deal with all the spoofing?
MW: We have everything!
EB: Yeah?
MW: We got. I mean because this one we...the first one was slasher films and of course we got everything else, you know that wasn't slash films, too, but this one we did haunted houses and the supernatural. We got everything from "What Lies Beneath," the "Poltergeist" to "Ghost" know to "Exorcist" know we got "Hannibal." We have "What Lies..." I mean, we have everything!
EB: Excellent! How'd you come up with the idea for "Scary Movie?"
MW: 2 or 1?
EB: Well, the whole idea.
MW: Just sitting in the theaters know...watching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and I said this is bullshit! I know what I be doin' next summer - writing me a movie about this.
EB: Fantastic. Why do you think your movie made it so big when others tried to do this and it failed?
MW: I think it's our family point of view. I mean's kind of like them doing "Living Color" know, opposed to when Keenen left, and as soon as he left that show and our family left, the flavor of the show left.
EB: Stinky pooh- pooh.
MW: Exactly.
EB: You can say it.
MW: It's bullshit. And you had Jim Carrey still on and you had all those great talents, but without the certain point of view, it doesn't mean anything.
EB: Yeah, they went...
MW: You got the goods, man, the Wayans got the goods.
EB: Oh my God, yes. Geniuses!
MW: We are, we are [winking-then humble] mom is the genius. We okay.
EB: Now your brother, Keenen, directed this one as well, right?
MW: Uh huh. [reaches over and reads my notes]
EB: Yeah, I know. Um, both...
MW: You lookin' at your notes an all?
EB: Yeah, I have to because I have no memory cells...
MW: [Laughter].
EB: Blame the drug years. Um...
MW: [Laughter].
EB: It seems like all you guys would do would be goofing on the set, 95% fun and...
MW: No, all the goofin' goes in the script! We don't play that goofin' on the set..You know no wasted funny man. Put it all in the script!
EB: So you mean your professionals? [sarcastically]
MW: Can you believe it? [sarcastic]
EB: I can't.[sarcastic]
MW: We actually work! Yeah, man. We figure like this - we gonna waste funny or put funny out there? No, we gonna put it in the script. We never have time for funning. No time for pranks; no time for ...
EB: That's what you say to the uprising comedians of the world? Don't waste funny.
MW: Don't waste funny. Put it in the script.
EB: Bravo! Now your audience has been waiting with bated breath for this one to come out. Is there gonna be any difference, or is it just gonna be a complete spoof with the same kind of play on scenes we know? The plot was fantastic on "Scary Movie I," by the way. Thewhole concept...silly.
MW: Well, I think because "Scream" had that plot laid out, you know. What this one...unfortunately, this one has the same story as "Scream" did only because it had that plot, that whodunit situation...And when you're doing like...if you watch the "Haunting" and all these movies you just go, "What the hell is this story again?" and so...some of it you gonna go what the hell is this story again? But, ours is so funny— who cares? Nobody's gonna sit there and go the story was long!!!! We just makin' it to laugh about it. It's a laugh riot. From the time you sit down to the time you you leave.
EB: You guaranteeing that?
MW: I guarantee you gonna laugh.
EB: Hmm...all right.
MW: Hard. A lot of people sayin' it's funnier than the first one.
EB: Really?
MW: Yeah.
EB: Huh. [okay, okay- I wasn't crazy about Scary Movie- BUT I love me some Wayans]
MW: Yeah.
EB: Lemme ask you something totally different. just hosted "Teenapalooza." What is...
MW: No. I'm about to.
EB: It's live?
MW: Yeah. We're about to host it, I think, Thursday.[ to his handlers and friends] Is that gonna be live? [they nod and say yes]
EB: Ohhh...What is a "Palooza?"
MW: I have no idea. I...I think it's...teens...I think it's a concert.
EB: Okay.
MW: A palooza is a teen concert.
EB: I thought maybe "palooza" is a word for concert in like American Indian or something?
MW: I don't know...I know...I have no idea.
EB: Uhhh...
MW: Palooza sounds like a dingding or something like that.
EB: A dirty word.
MW: A fresh word for a body part.
EB: Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
MW: Yeah. [Laughter]. I put my palooza in your mouth. [laughter].
EB: It's a little bit pornographic. Did you write the movie too cutey quiet one over there [a quiet Wayans in the corner Craig]
MW: Yeah...he's a writer, too.
EB: Hello! Pleasure! [I extend my hand to the handsome fellow- then back to Marlon] Do you have a web page where people can go and check out Scary Movie 2.
MW: Uh...a "Scary Movie" web page?
EB: Yeah.
MW: Uh, I think there's a "Scary Movie 2" web page right now up and running.
EB: Do you know the address of it?
MW: [it's not folks sorry)
EB: Is there naked pictures of Shawn or you up there?
MW: No, but I'll put some on there if they wanna see 'em.
EB: Would you?
MW: Yeah.
EB: Now you have a website, right? You have
MW: Yeah, but I don't know, I gotta really get into it. The web is played out. Just like Betamax.
EB: Of course that's my whole survival, web, but that's okay.
MW: Oh, I'm sorry! My bad...
EB: That's all right. It's okay. I can take it I'm made of titanium steel. No, I am web-based.
MW: Really?
EB: Yeah. Yeah. Really, really...
MW: Shit, sorry man. [he lunges over me to the seat in front of me -instead of beside me...Here I thought he was gettin' busy- darn]
EB: [mock-blushing] Ah oh.
MW: Gimme a crick in my neck.
EB: All right. Um...[flustered with the closeness of the gorgeous Wayans..] Your family is obviously numbering in what, the hundreds? How many Wayans are there?
MW: Thousands. We don't have a family no more. We're called a population.
EB: A gaggle. How many are there, seriously?
MW: I call it a gang. A TRIBE! A bunch of us runnin' round.
EB: And all very good looking.
MW: Thank you very much! Momma and Daddy had some wonderful nights.
EB: Oh, my God! [again, this lad makes me blush...]
MW: Despite my Daddy's alcoholism, we came out good looking! [laughter]
EB: I'll erase that.
MW: I'm joking. [laughter]
EB: How many are there?
MW: Five boys, five girls.
EB: That's it?
MW: Uh huh.
EB: There's only ten?
MW: I got nephews and nieces cause they multiply. You know, you have kids and they have kids and...
EB: And so on. It's like that weird hair commercial.
MW: Yeah. [laughter].
EB: All right. "Scary Movie 2 " opens on July 4th, right?
MW: Yes ma'm.
EB: [eyebrow up- he lost me. M'AM? DO I LOOK LIKE A SENIOR CITIZEN...but I composed myself] What's next for you now with all this excitement. Of course, you've got "Teenapolooza"
and that' award award winning work.
MW: That's funny. Okay. [laughter] I can't even look that far in the future.
EB: Really? 'Cause you've done some other movies. I mean, "Requiem For a Dream " was ingenious. What made you do something so serious?
MW: I don't know...drugs.
EB: Brilliant script.
MW: Yeah. Darren Aronofsky made me want to do that movie. I seen the script and I was like, you know what? I wanna work with him 'cause I love what he did with the camera in Pi and I
love what he did with characters, and his actors and so when I...I knew he had a strong vision know...the sides are I hate abandoning self. You know, like now I'm in love with doing our movies, so for me to leave the camp to go do that means I really trust
in his vision and...uh...I'm glad I did it.
EB: Yeah, it's wonderful.
MW: Thank you.
EB: I'm surprised you didn't get any more press on that. That figures.
MW: Man...[he agrees with sad face]
EB: It's always something. Okay, now people think that you just walked into this 'cause of your family. Is it...
MW: [he jumps back to the last question] Actually next we might be doing just regular comedies. Me and Shawn is gonna try and
stamp the buddy brand and me and him spin off and do a lot of buddy comedies together. One we have which is a boy band...we're a strugglin' R&B band and we sucked as an R&B band and so what we do is we try and make it in the music industry and we disguise ourselves as white boys and we join like an 'N Sync band and we gotta disguise
the fact that we're black.
EB: That's hysterical!
MW: Yeah!
EB: Premise alone I'm sure you can pull it off.
MW: Uh, we hope so.
EB: All the faith in the world.
MW: Thank you.
EB: So people think because of your family you just walk into a role and there is no casting and all of that. "Requiem" I think would prove that you probably had to get that role.
MW: I had to audition for that like five times!
EB: Really?
MW: Yeah.
EB: Huh. Were they afraid because your comedy?
MW: No, they's afraid 'cause I was on the WB, and they's like, hell, no, you ain't poisoning our movie! [group laughter]
EB: Everybody ranks on the WB. What's with that?
MW: I rank on 'em now. I wasn't ranking when I was on 'em...
EB: Yeah, good point.
MW: 'Cause I ain't gettin' a check no more. They all bullcrap. I like the UPN personally.
EB: Yeah, they have some good shows on there actually.
MW: Really?
EB: Yeah. [sarcasm so smooth he looks confused]
[group laughter]
EB: They do. [again, bat-of-the-eyelashes-sincere sarcasm- he's falling for it]
MW: Get off.
EB: Well, you know, some of the writing is good. It's just that...I think they just cast cookie-cutter actors and actresses sometimes and it's like the writing is there.
MW: Yeah. [kind of sure I'm teasing now-catching on] WB made uh...a false turn by they...they just became like the teen network. Everything was like "Dawson's Creek," "Felicity" know, it just became the same show over and over again and they abandoned what got 'em there, which was comedies.
EB: Yeah. And originality.
MW: Yeah.
EB: That figures. It always happens. With the family you've got, who's your biggest influence?
MW: In my family?
EB: Yeah. Out of your family members, and then we'll go on to...
MW: I think all of them are. I can't pick one in specific because...uh...they all influence me, from my brother, Keenen, to Damon, to Shawn, to Elvira, Davon, Deidra, all of 'em influence me in some way, and as the baby, I get to watch them make mistakes or get to learn from their wins and their losses, so I got my mom and dad and...I'm an accumulation of everybody.
EB: Fantastic! And anybody outside of the camp?
MW: Nada. If you ain't a Wayans, I ain't got nothing to do with you. You ain't influencing me [giggle].
EB: Well, there's enough of you, so I guess you can draw from a plethera of things.
MW: Yeah. We got one for everything.
EB: Okay. And then finally, the most important question...Who's the dreamiest Wayans?
MW: You mean the cutest?
EB: Yeah! Who do you think is the...yourself...
MW: Of course...
EB: Or you gonna go for Shawn?
MW: Shawn, the pretty one! Momma's golden child! Marlon - the ugly one! The accident! Oh, da all say Shawn's so, and Marlon, the...oh...ha...the funny one. Yeah, dog meat ...Shawn "The pretty one". The beautiful child. The one that needs makeup to take a shower - pretty Shawn.
EB: Are you...are you okay? [overly serious and concerned]
MW: Straight! [laughter]
EB: Anyway, thank you very much. Your movie opens on July 4th?
MW: July 4th.
EB: Wonderful!
MW: Thank you.
EB: Pleasure meeting you.
MW: Nice to meet you, too. Thank you for my gift package. No one ever gets me nothin'
EB: Oh, you're welcome! Enjoy it.
MW: I will.
EB: There also happens to be an Emily Blunt tee-shirt in there.
MW: Really! Fuu.. man.
EB: I know. I know. It's coveted.
MW: Get outta here!
EB: And...and if I see it on E-Bay...
MW: [hard laughter]
EB: ...I swear to God, I'll hunt you down and kill you! [Joke]


I sure hope Scary Movie 2 doesn't suck...I don't want to have to give it the toilet bowl review Freddie Got Fingered enjoyed....He's a nice, good lookin (and smelling) genuinely funny guy. And, so handsome, I needed a slurpee to "cool down" even though the room we interviewed in was 50° below. Yum-o-rama. Marlon and I said our good-byes, and walked off into the sun ( literally 105 degree sun). He and his family went off to sight-see, I raced home to see if my "O Brother Where Arth Thou" DVD was in the mail...




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