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Heartbreakers

 

 

 

Sigourney Weaver is a trustable actress. That is to say she doesn't usually produce poop. With Heartbreakers she's picked a clever, witty, well written, romantic farce to stretch her comic muscles. There wasn't an alien in sight—honest!


Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't popular for some reason. I heard the audience (mostly female) cat hissing how much they dislike her. Why? She did a great job. So she weighs eighty pounds and looks like every guy's quintessential do girl...Stop stuffing your face with carbs, visit the gym, and and grow some healthy self esteem.

Ray Liotta plays a wisecracking mafia-esque guy duped by the minky mom and cunning daughter. There's a stretch. But, he's his usual charming purrfect self so who's complaining? He knows what works for him and waltzes through his role here.

Heartbreakers story goes...Con team, mom Max and daughter Page, set up a mark de Jour. A red-blooded male mark, with lots-o-dough and an eye for the ladies. Then mommie (Sigourney "Still Stunning" Weaver) quickly marries him, explaining her religion doesn't permit premarital sex...(that should be a clue to these mamalukes immediately something's awry)...She acts exhausted on every (13 so far) wedding night and passes out. This leaves her prey, er, new husband, all horned up.

Enter daughter (Love Hewitt), as fore mentioned manprey's current secretary/maid/girl Friday, all tiny-dressed and minwaisted. Seductively orating with him, till he pounces on her and is immediately caught in the extramarital act, by the overtly shocked new bride, right before actual penile penetration ...Cut to: Lawyer's office, quick divorce and hefty monetary settlement for the brief bride.

Mother and daughter rendezvous locally and move on. Neat, clean, and tax free...

Enter a all-knowing IRS lady from hell (Anne "still married to übercomic Mel Brooks, thank you" Bancroft). She's on to them and advises the IRS "wants their cut."

The team had been planning to part company. Now they will have to pull one more con. They will have to head to the the Mecca of Money, The Temple of Tact, The Well of Wealth, in other words, Palm Beach Florida.

They stalk and study their next mark and move in for the hitch and screw. One foot from the grave, tobacco tycoon, William Tensy (Mr. Talent Gene Hackman) has been chosen. His orifices spew fluids and ungodly sounds that would make the most hardened con gal think twice about any physical contact what- so- ever. But with a net worth at over 3 billion dollars, and that net growing by the millions daily, so what if his gingivitis is so bad you could almost smell it from your seat in theater two. He's golden. What I like to refer to as mock-mansteak Shepherd's Pie; Layers of wealth, that like brown gravy on the traditional Shepherd's Pie dish hide the putrid unidentifiable organ meats that lie below.

However in a clever subplot, daughter Page has began a lone scam on local bar owner Jack (Jason " no you can't have Kevin Smith's phone number- piss off" Lee). Be careful young con in waiting Page, your heart may ripped from it's comfy hardened shell, careen out into the open and shine brightly on your sleeve...

Heartbreakers is a fun time at the movies. A good one for date night. It's light enough to entertain and funny enough to distract for a while. Enjoy!

Snack recommendation: Steak Tar Tar and a pack of Lucky Strikes

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Jennifer Love Hewitt , Ray Liotta, Jason Lee (I) ,.and Gene Hackman

Directed by: David Mirkin (I)

 

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