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DROWNING MONA

My rules are simple, always trust the Keebler Elves for your fix "that time of the month" and Danny DeVito to make a decent film.

The cast in Drowning Mona is Creme de Brulee. I mean Casey Affleck, Will Farrell, Neve Campbell, William Fichtner, Jamie Lee Curtis AND The Divine Ms. M in the same movie? I was frothing at the popcorn booth.

Here's the story: The Dearlys family are anything but dear folks. They could piss off a Mother Theresa. Ma Dearly, Mona (Bette Midler) is a witch hag to the tenth power. Man, she spews words like M16 artillery. The one usually receiving these rapid rabid fire verbal assaults is poor sweet family friend Bobby (cutey pie Casey Affleck). She guts him on a daily basis. The rest of her family feeds off his carcass as well. The Dearly offspring, Jeff (Marcus Thomas) is Bobby's dysfunctiona- idiot-boy partner in a landscaping business. A business Jeff is dragging into the ground what with his running over a customers dog here, and coming on to a thirteen year old there. The Dearly father, Phil (William Fichtner-very Albino Alligator looking) is a whipped potatoe of a man from all Mona's pecking and enjoys a cowardly venting or two also at Bobby's expense.

Bobby boils and boils, attempting to stick up for himself a few times, to no avail. The townsfolk wonder why he puts up with them at all. He'd be much better off without...

So, when Mona Dearly's deadly "accident" turns into a who-could-have-wouldn't-have-dunnit, most feel the logical choice is Bobby. Of course the neon sign of guilt he has on his forehead could help, or maybe all the evidence that points directly to him. But alas, chief Rash (ever precious Devito) really doesn't want Bobby thrown in the clinker. Bobby, you see, is marrying his beloved daughter Ellen (Neve "gorgeous hair" Campbell) Sunday.

To top all these Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman like goings ons, the whole town was in some kind of experiment with the Yugo car company and the crap boxes are everywhere! The whole town is unnerving and a tad askew.

Casey Affleck (baby brother to Stud-a-manorous Rex Ben) is wearing a blonde wig that looks like the prop supervisor bought it at a Jan and Dean convention-just hysterical. Casey's filling out quite nicely girls. In another couple of years he'll have facial hair then all's fair eh? Yummy.

Neve's bubbly as Ellen, but it's Jamie Lee Curtis who's the real scene stealer as Rona. Rona is a punked out tack festival who believes one should love the whole family. Her hobbies include smoking and erotic foreplay toys like The Wheel Of Fortune home game.

The whole movie made my sides hurt. People there's nothing sadder than a chickbabe like myself alone in at the movies on a Saturday night roaring out loud with laughter. Well, except Hollywood continually casting Will Farrell in bit parts! He was tear-jerkingly funny as the towns eccentric mortician, Cubby. Be prepared.

Also, girls keep an eye out for the ever morphing William Fichtner. He's in everything. Usually not a good looking character...those who be not shallow shall unearth a golden jewel...A stud muffin with honey whipped butter oozing from his manly pores that is! Meow.

Go see this and enjoy. It's a well done funny movie.

Snack Recommendation: Boneless chicken breast with beer.

Starring: Ben's little brother, Bette Midler, William Fichtner, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Neve Campbell, Will Farrell, and Marcus Thomas

Directed by: Nick Gomez

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Nine out of ten of
my psychiatrists recommend it!- EM


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