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Insanity Abounds at 73rd Annual Oscars©....
Emily Blunt



I have returned with scoops galore folks. The excitement level of this years Oscar© season was beyond, well, seeing your favorite restaurant offering a two for one dinner night including a complimentary bottle of a fine Merlot!

I arrived at the red carpet with Belinda armed with Blunt Review T-shirts, an arsenal of four color cards and riding the ship Tall Hope.

We were not disappointed! I met a wonderful gentleman named Anderson Jones from E-Online, my new mentorman. I met a gaggle of stars— the endless list would bore you...I was interviewed on several local networks and by gorgeous UCLA student for their college network show. I met possible husband number three disguised as a Press Escort...(email me schmuck!) Found out what Catherine Zeta Jones sees in Mr. Douglas...He's extremely handsome in "real" life. And I spoke with Tina Hernandez.

Who's that? Well, Tina waited over eleven days for her 18th year to be in the front row of the bleachers that run along side of the red carpet. Okay, I guess she really, really digs the Stars. I prefer a wide screen, a plethora of snacks laid before me and my trust remote to switch channels from preshow, to preshow.

But then again it is THE red carpet were the mini-waisted ex-dubutantes all animate and move slowely like glittering movie dolls come to life. The spot where those double-dipped demi-gods and unearthly dudes you yearn for pass calmly by...unaware of the dangerous, yet delicate, chickbabe feline crouching in the wings...A magical place, where tall-looking-dashing-smart dressed-shimmering mega-watted mansteak stars saunter past with their very best face put forward...Joaquin Phoenix aside.

He's certifiable I swear. Not only did he have real bedhead, not salon created 45.00 bedhead, but his tie was askew like after you've parlayed nineteen or so shots of Jaeggermeister at Wolfie's and your a touch indisposed. You'd forgotten you had turned your tie 'round to avoid it hitting the toilet water. Yeah, that was what the young handsome, if a bit mad, Joacquin looked like. He was also very charming and a down to Earth (well...Mars) kind of guy who leapt in the air at the taller side of the bleachers to high-five (literally) a couple of excited fans.

Benicio "Hotter than a fresh steamed dumpling" Del Toro died his hair!!! Yeah. ( it could be for The Hunted which he was in from shooting , and heading right back out to, in Portland with rough and tumbler newlywed Tommy Lee Jones). Ben's already getting deathly handsome. His Armani fit him like the glove I wish I were wrapped around his six foot three frame...Let me catch my breath...

Natch, he won the Best Supporting Actor award for Traffic. Like he wasn't a Bally shoe in. His acceptance speech was normalness squared. It was his after-show press conference in which he showed the coolest of non-cool- regular- schmoe- done- good side... He used the term "you know" 1204 times in his four minute hombre sobre el terreno with the media. Unlike his Oscar© speech which was perfectly quirk free and verbatim here->

I'm semi-watching/listening to Excess Baggage as I write...

Julia Roberts was a charmmeister, I thought, accepting her Best Actress Award. As well as with the press later when she acknowledged she had forgotten to mention The real Erin Brockocabbagevich. She has, on several occasions, made the real Erin quite a centerpoint of her speeches. So, I am sure the faux pas wont turn into a press nightmare or at least it shouldn't.

Everyone's been so vicious about her whacky speech...You decide, her speech verbatim is here->

Geeze, if it were me up there accepting such a prestigious award, it would be the "Meeting Kevin Spacey Incident of 1999" all over again. My family newsletter headline read: Educated Gal Relative Shames Family By Drooling and Mumbling Incoherently in Front of Favorite Actor About O'Neill. I still wake in a sweat over that little moment in Blunt Memory Hell...Anyway were was I? She was sweet!

Oh, now I can tell you Russell Crowe was registered at six hotels...Apparently to ward off would be assassins, press (ahem) and kidnappers. He threw a big bat cave secret party at the Bel Aire... Gee, I guess my invite was, er, lost in the mail...yeah...

Russell won Best Male Actor for his role in Gladiator as we all expected...There was a nano-second of doubt due to his extracurricular getting cookie crumbs in the bed activities with Meg Ryan, who had been labeled by us all as "Ms. Polly Purebred. " How dare she be human! Hollywood can be so snobby. I personally think the Academy gave him the Oscar© for best actor not just for his riveting- all encompassing- tour de force- performance in Gladiator (Best Picture as well), but for their heinous mistake from last year for NOT giving him his just desert cake with fudge topping and chopped nuts for his colossal and exquisite performance in movie they may not have seen, The Insider.

Russell thanked his family and mentioned his grandfather (who's war metal he wore proudly), and his Uncle Dave, (who I have an odd connection with which maybe someday I'll share)...and advised fellow beautiful dreamers go for it. His speech verbatim is here->

Russ has quite a rep around town as being a horses ass! A grand conceited bunion of a lad and a bit of a wanker. I didn't think so before and I'm not sure if I think that now...Time may change him but he's still a good guy in my book mates.

Marcia Gay Harden ...well...well...well...the upset of the evening. She took the Best Supporting Actress trophy for Pollack. The actors kind of wanted Ellen Burstyn, the public expected Kate Hudson. Not that she, Marcia, didn't deserve the best supporting actress award, far from it. It's just usually the awards are a popularity contest and her campaigning was under the radar as they say... Her hair looked great. I say that because she's always got these idiotic bangs in her films. In every film it seems. Thank her hairdresser for that! Her lovely speech is here->

The big winners of the night were Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (4) , Gladiator ( 5)and Traffic (4). Here's the official list->

The Grinch won for Best Make-up. So, at least in someway Hollywood acknowledged the work that went into that masterpiece! Carrey is so close now to getting up there himself. Maybe his newbie Majestic will get him the little guy? Er, but it's a comedy. Hmm. They should have taken Costume design too. Not because the winner, Janty Yates (Gladiator), isn't great...But it's easier to recreate Roman trendy wears, then invent Whoville Townsfolk!

Almost Famous scripter, Cameron Crowe snagged Best Original Screenplay. Bravo!

Stephen Gaghan (Who's quite a studmuffin-in-waiting by the way...) ran with the gold for his screen adaptation of Traffic, which was based on a BBC program across the great big pond.

Adaptation can be hard...Have you ever read Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil? It is ten times as intricate as the multifaceted film. Screenwriter, John Lee Hancock, certainly worked magic on that adaptation too. Remember without Gaghan young toro- Toro couldn't have spoken those award winning words...

They made Renee Zellweger use the potty during commercial breaks with an "Official Academy Pee-pee Escort" armed with a Rolex stop-watch! You can pull that stunt with the Golden Globes© but not here missy! She was on cue, and elegant.

Steven Soderbergh, up a couple of times for direction, parlayed the Best Director trinket for Traffic. He looked so calm I wanted them to check his pulse at first...I'd have leapt and shimmed and bounced ala Life is Beautiful's Roberto Benigni till they shot me with a tranquilizer gun...but, that's just me. P.S. Benigni lost his "Most Oscars© ever won by a Foreign Film" title to Crouching Tigger, Hidden Dragon this year!

I have not seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon YET! Unbelievable but true...It's not for lack of trying. But I did want to mention the best Cinematographer award went to them, well to Peter Pau. When we see a movie, it is the cinematographer who really sets the mood. Case and point? Hurly Burly .

And a special note to all you Vincent Price fans... Grieve no more! He didn't really die, he evidently just changed his name to Bob Dylan!
Bobby won for Best Original Song In A Motion Picture Wonder Boys' Things Have Changed

An aside: Michael Douglas is ten years younger looking in "real" life and a super open personality. Catherine Zeta is impeccably beautiful, and very much in love.

By the way readers, are you heading to LA? Read sponser's columnist Erika Bolin's review on the sexy little watering hole in the valley here->

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