in Sixty Seconds
in Sixty Seconds
is not the brightest little movie in the window! The audience
for this is who? I mean besides the "see anything they
do" fans of Nicholas Cage and Anjelina Jolie.
A movie with this hot a cast what's the deal? Okay, Cage is
no Shakespearean thespian but he's absolute rock candy dipped
in cocoa sweet on the retina- throw the boy a bone. Give him
ONE intelligent thing to say..I'm begging you Hollywood.
Then there's Anjolina Jolie, who's photo I believe is in the
new Funk and Wagner dictionary under description of N.Sexual.
She's all fetished up. But even with these two steamy hot potatoes
of lust, GI60S lacks gusto.
wafer thin story goes...Randall ''Memphis'' Raines' (Nicky)
little brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisisbisspagettghetti) is in
hot water with a viscous monster of a man named "The Carpenter."
The Carpenter (Christopher "Sure, I'm a trained British
actor-but, mummy, it's Hollywood" Eccleston) it seems has
a passion for all things wood. Natch, I thought they were going
to have him go " wood shop" on someone and turn them
into cabinets. No, he really just digs wood. Seems Kip in his
completely brain dead state, brings the fuzz right into the
chop shop du Jour where the Carp has been finishing a "boost"
of stolen cars. Not good. The stolen cars, worth God only knows
how much, are impounded. The Carps pretty mad at young filthy
looking Kip. And quite frankly, it's Kip's totally idiotic mentally
that really just makes you side with wood lovin' boy.
Anyway, the only one who can save Kip " The Ignorant"
is brother "King of Monotone Deliveries"- Memphis.
The job? Parlay 50 cars (real nicey nice cars too- not a Yugo
to be seen dear reader) and deliver them in the next couple
of days to a container ship heading south.
gathers his cronies from his past, and the fun begins. Oh, there's
a rival gang trying to steal all the cars too. Tah! AND
if your brain can handle any more excitement there's a cop from
Memphis' past who noticed he's in town. He tells him his watching
him...Yeah? If he spent one half of an hour following Memphis
he would have known the whole twisted scheme. Not to mention
the three or four times while spying on the "crew"
the chocolate Columbo sees a large list of exotic and expensive
cars numbered on a chalk board with girls names beside them
and a circle of about eight major car thieves huddled in discussion.
Guess he figured it was just a local gathering of Car Fancy
subscribers, nothing suspicious at all. Please.
Dumb au de Dumb dialog abounds in GI60S. It's not Quentin
Tarantino folks, heck it's not even Jerry Springer. Oscar winner?
Let me catch me breath. But, even with all this kucka the movie
has certain "it's so bad, it's good" feel. There's
lots of car chases, ghetto humor and pretty cars. It's a car
fest extravaganza-nothing more. Admittedly, I can't think of
anyone I prefer to spend two hours glaring at than Nicholas
Cage. So, for solely personal reasons, I semi-enjoyed the thing.
And for those who prefer female pelts, Ms. All That , Angelina's
all blonde dreadlocks and sexy lip posing through out for you.
Together the sex (which the movie had none) oozing from their
pores kept the whole movie revved at 300 rpms. Still stupid
are few who will like this. Perhaps wait till it's video or
take it for what it is... campy cheesy vacant action movie 101.
Remember GI60S grandpapa is producer Jerry Bruckheimer.
Jerr's famous for such memorable testosterone pumped tales as
The Rock AKA Sweaty Men and Implausible Action/Dialog
Movie, starring Nicholas Cage . Or his Con Air
AKA More Sweaty Men and Implausible Action/Dialog Movie
, starring Nicholas Cage. Then there's Jermeisterini's nachos
loaded with a humungoid side of refried beans of dick flick,
Armageddon AKA The Idiotic Dialog VS. the 3500 Square
Mile Asteroid That NASA "Missed" Heading Straight
for Earth Movie, oddly enough not starring Nicholas Cage.
Recommendation: Junior Mints and Pepsi One
Nicholas Cage, Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi and Robert Duvall
by: Dominic Sena