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Small Time Crooks

Woody Allen simply irks me. He's like a nervous twidgeting whining senior citizen who's always babbling on about something or another. Arrrgh! Shut up already. In Small Time Criminals the sad part is when Allen did this signature ramble in his old films, you'd hear clever one liners and intelligent quips strategically and seemingly seamlessly mixed in with the incessant verbiage barrages! Not the wit he used to be I'm afraid. Even his characters are less 3D than they use to be. I miss the old Allen of Zelig or even Bananas (-though, admittedly, Sweet and Lowdown, which did not have his scrawny little nonexistent buttocks in every scene was great). The man has lost his chutzpah-and God know she had a Rosie O'Donnell sized gut full of it.

Woodsie has his usual great cast supporting him. The ever talented superchick to the tenth power Tracy Ulman, plays his tacky New Jersey bred leopard print and gold bobbled wife Frenchie. Hugh "English muffin with orange marmalade oozing of each nook and cranny sweet" Grant is impeccable as a socialite art dealer.

Story's as follows...Frenchie wants sophistication. Her husband , Ray (Woody "Look ma the scale says 112 pounds today!" Allen) is an ex-con who is the mastermind behind... a really badly planned bank heist The robbery is not quite what makes the bumbling burglars wealthy- but at least they get rich.

Naturally money is the root of all evil yatta yatta blah blah and whoa-is-me Frenchie and Ray's marriage may be on the rocks.

As if anyone would stay with Allen that didn't owe him their US citizenship and he didn't have a fab Manhattan rent controlled mansion, let alone his creep-a-zoid character, Ray. Clad in Mr. Roper (Three's Company) apparel through out the movie would have been 86'd by this Frenchie decades ago.

Tracy Ulman is comic perfection per usual.

There a few laughs, but they same telegraphed- not the normal route for Allen. Yep, think it's time for Allen to retire and hand his -smart character driven, visceral, peeks at the modern urbanite- movie reigns over to the new "King of Quirk"- Stanley Tucci.

Snack Recommendation: Cookies and Johnnie Walker Black

Starring: Elaine May, Tracy Ulman Jon Lovitz, Michael Rapaport, Hugh Grant and Woody Allen

Directed by: Woody Allen

Wanna see a Funny Woody Allen Movie?

Try Bananas or Annie Hall

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