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See Spot Run

I have never seen a more nondescript dog then "Spot" the tranquilized canine star of this movie. Think Keanu Reeves in a tight furry suit— cute, snugly and huggleble, but alas just a vacant unintelligible stare questions the world from his sad brown eyes. This poor fellow makes Benji look like the DeNiro of pooches.

On top of the Überdull doggie the producers cast kinetic super goonman David Arquette as his barely-of- human- DNA costar ( Courtney Cox isn't really breeding with him is she?).

This is one colossal dog scoop of poop at the movies folks.

No one with a reading level above fourth grade will even be able to bark a forced guffaw.

Arquette is just so odiuosly telegraphed and overtly hamming it up, if you skip my warning and decide to venture into the show you'll be running from the theater in search of hard liquor and lithium within twenty minutes!

People, I didn't think I could be more annoyed with a "comic,"( if one can legally use that adjective when speaking of Arquette) then with that Tom Green overacting-obvious-hack-mugging-scam. But I was mistaken.

Dave is a buffoon to the tenth power. He actually makes Green look like a Jim Carrey understudy. NO. No. Mr. Carrey's name should not be in the same sentence with Green. I apologize. Bad metaphor.

My skin is crawling with annoyance bubbles. I must bath in calming essential oils while I blast an Eddie Izzard CD repeatedly; followed by a long long cycle ride with an audio tape of Dennis Miller's greatest monologues to remind myself of happy comedy times...Or go mad at Hollywood's continual use of talents so undeserving of public viewing. Argh!

SSR's story goes...Postal worker Gordon (David "Why do I keep getting hired?" Arquette) is taking in Spot. A huge dog with a secret identity. He's really Agent 11 an FBI Agent. Okay...

What's this? There's a hit out on the pooch? Oh-oh here come he laughs. NOT! Bet you can't just guess what's going to happen next?

There's a lot of violence making it not a very good family movie choice. And it's too moronic for speaking humans to endure. So who exactly is this movie geared towards? Is it a studio tax write off?

I nearly fell off my seat when a totally wasted (talent wise) Michael Clarke Duncan appeared as Spot's ex-FBI partner. Clarke whom I suspect is presently looking for new representation should call this multifaceted man strudel Benicio Del Toro's people. They know the kind of scripts to send to an actor—a real actor. Shame on you Mike. You are too good to Pollack your career!

Paul Sorvino must have figured- what the heck I'll do it for the kids. Maybe he just skipped through to his part?

The whole thing was like a gooey accident left by your canine friend when you've come home an hour or so late. Long, smelly and in need of quick disposal.

Snack recommendation: Skip this and opt for a nice Thai dinner.

Starring: David Arquette, Michael Clarke Duncan, Leslie Bibb and Paul Sorvino

Directed by: John Whitesell

 

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