Clooney and Marky (Mark) Wahlberg are all beefcaked up and skanky
in the Perfect Storm. The docks around my neighborhood
never had this kind of Mantuna swimming about. There you found
these one-eyed sea skanks with a more the Beetlejuice demeanor
sans a limb or two, howling profanities at anything female happening
along...Ah, Boston Harbor on a hot July morn. The Perfect Storm's
fishermen are much better looking.
Bros. and ILM (Industrial Light and Magic) have successfully recreated
the ominous threat of 100 foot plus waves crashing down on a small
fishing dingy. Along with those terr'
sounds the wind makes- a clue as to the severity of your storm.
A faint Gene Kelly whistle in the rain, = the storm is no worries,
an unidentifiable something screaming in agony= the storm's getting
severe, then there is the most terrifying sound you could hear...
a child playing a Phantom of the Opera-like organ loud
and fast, constant and repetitive. This is pure horror. This is
the Perfect Storm.
goes...in 1991 three weather systems collide off the Massachusetts
coast. Rare but it does (and did) happen. Billy Tyne (George-let
me catch my breath-Clooney), Captain of the Andrea Gail,
hasn't been bringing in the fish as of late. His whole business
is at stake. The season's coming to an end and he's got to make
a big score. He knows of an area far off the usual fishing path.
He and his merry ship of sad saps, head out. Sit right back and
we'll tell you a tale...comes over the audience.
the doomed crew are Bobby Shatford (Mark "le beau petit"
Wahlberg), trying to get a new start on life. Murph (John C. "yeah,
I was in that...yep, that too" Kelly) an everyday Joe, Alfred
Pierre (Allen "chocolatey sweet" Payne), a Jamaican
ladies man, and lastly what Massachusetts set film- about men
-could exclude a "Sully" short for Sullivan, of which
there are no fewer than 1100463 in the Mass phone book. Sully
is played by super sweet cream puff William Fichtner.
en route Billy hears about a weather pattern that may be cumbersome
for the boys when their done hauling. Billy's got plenty of time
to head in before the seas get too rough.A combo platter of ego,
and necessity make him think he can have his fish cakes
and eat them too. Men! Well, that and the fact, that without this
fishy score safely back at shore they are all eating salt
Cod and scurvy pills for the winter.
Of course his pier mate, Linda (Mary Elizabeth Judy Susan mastrantonioioioi)
Greenlaw, a woman Captain, does the sensible thing and
buckles down back at the dock. Then again she's had terrific summer
of free flowing fish carcasses to keep her in blubber all winter
long. She isn't hungry.
running out of scary adjectives" to describe the storm-a-brewing
Linda explains to a determined Billy via ham radio. That's an
understatement. What happens to these men almost
makes you forget there are stud-muffins (wet and slippery) on
the film before you. Simply terrifying. The audience was getting
seasick from the realism. Bring your MPB (Movie Puke Bag) along
just in case. It's no naked Rosie O'Donnell scene but it's close.
Light and Magic-famous for Star Wars wizardry- took on
the task of creating the stormy sea. Not as easy as it sounds-
not to be as convincing as it was! They've done it. You feel as
if your aboard the Andrea Gail with the men, fighting for
the way, you'll hear about protests on the set. Activists picketed
the set over the swordfish being abused on the fishing vessel.
NO . Sorry Charlie, they were animatronics- rubber fish- not of
DNA. Logic. Could you imagine the stench after a 30th take? That
cracked me up. Picketing rubber fish...this is why real animal
issues get ignored. They make the informed activists look like
idiots Know your facts before you ring the press. Just a thought.
know Hollywood can be cruel. They know women have a certain "affection"
for Clooney, and Wahlberg. So, to torture us, they have Clooney
grow a Jack London-catch-that-bit-o-food-for- later style beard
and Wahlberg - in rubber pants to his chest. It's just not right!
And girls, watch out for this William Fichtner fellow. I have
been smitten with Willy since Albino Alligator- Even watched
that generic hackfest Grace Under Fire when he showed up
there. Oh, how I have suffered. He just seems to get riper with
is one hell of a tense film. Enjoy the adrenaline. Be prepared
to weep in public though...I was heave cryin' for the last half
hour on the poor schmuck next to me.
Recommendation: Fish dip, saltines and beer
Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, John C. Reilly, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio,
Diane Lane, Karen Allen and William Fichtner
by: Wolfgand Petersen