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Stuck On You

Starring: Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear and Eva Mendes
Directed by: The Farrelly Bros.
Written by: Charles B. Wessler/screenplay by The Farrelly Bros.


It's a well known fact the Farrelly Brothers, Bobby and Peter, enjoy stretching the crevices of our little imaginative minds...we watch gleefully as two half-wits traveled across country in a dog shaped van in Dumb and Dumber...we enjoyed learning about new homemade, environmentally respective, hair products in Something About Mary and we were taught a lesson in psychology/split personality syndromes thanks to Mr. Jim Carrey's professorialish skills in Me, Myself and Irene. There have been others - but hardly worth mentioning - they just muddy up the respect...

Well, here's another one that's gonna blur your laughtickle vision but good. Stuck On You just isn't funny. The premise? Hilarious. The Cast? Wonderful. But alas the film, as absurd as it is, just flounders like a right fielder in a pivotal Red Sox game. Yechi poodle poo.

Story goes…Conjoined twins Walt and Bo (Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon) live a happy, semi-normal, life on Martha's Vineyard. But Walt, after years of "one man shows," decides his thespianism is uncurable and he's destined to be a star. He and convinces his brother - who is permanently attached at the waist, so naturally he'd have to - he needs to give the footlights a genuine try. They should move to the land of actors Los Angeles so he can persue his dream.

Through the magic of circumstance, being in the right place at the right time and of course, the script, the brothers end up on a television show with Cher within the first week of arrival.

Cher (yes, the real Cher) isn't exactly the welcome waggon of primetime TV - she's attempting to actually sabotage a sticky contractual obligation she's tied to for a half-ass drama. The show couldn't...wouldn't...last with a half ass actor with a human appendage beside him. Or would it?

The show's a success - natch - but the (apparently blind) press gets the "news" tipped off to them about the hot new star, Walt. Extra! Extra! Walt's really a Siamese twin! Oh pah-lease gimme a friggin' break already!

Meanwhile brother Bo, has his own little life faux pas…he's finally met his pen pal love and now must figure out how to mention his special condition. Bo never mentioned he even had a brother, let alone the brother's part of the big picture - all the time.

Obvious laughs - that are still not that funny - characters that are way too "Komedy With a Kapital K" typical and a volleying personality on the part of Walt (sometimes he's razor quick other times he's as naïve and oblivious as Jessica Simpson) make the film almost unbearable within an hour.

Poor handsome Greg Kinnear. I do so pain having to bash this crappitini festival of mediocre celluloid that ultimately careens into The Land of Hallmark Cards. But this is his first horrid showing. Actually he's not horrid, just all the dialog he's swimming in and the scenes around him are...

And Matt Damon does a natural job as the good-hearted brother. But even his horse-sized pearly whites can't save this one.

Bluntly speaking? The brothers Farrelly get one more clunkerclackingsnoozlebomb before they're off my list…I don't think even the American Pie trilogy experts are gonna giggle at this one. Save your money.

Snack Recommendation: Cheeseburgers and rootbeer.




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