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 Swag
Wear
an emily blunt rant
As
a struggling sketch comedian and writer, the money aint so flowing
- if you know what I mean. But like the billions of artists before
me it's a passion that won't give - or let me succumb to a nine-to-five
job. Shudder. So you make do…
I've
interviewed stars I'm not really keen on based on the hotel they
want to meet at - and its inevitable pressroom buffet - to survive
some weeks. But its kind of fun living off five bucks a week for
my art; a challenge, shall we say.
The
most utilized of the LA entertainment world pauper is swag. Swag,
for those unaware of its meaning, is movie gifts. The studios
makes tee shirts, gives watches, soundtracks, gadgets just about
anything a film's logo can be silk-screened to. They give these
often useful items to we lowly press folk as a 'thank you' at
most press days, called junkets. The savvy journalist can truly
work these items…
There's
my comfy The Guru nightshirt covered
by the silk (how about that!) Last Samurai
kimono…the fancy watch, which worked as a "pricey"
gift (shhh) for a certain spoiled nephew one has, courtesy
of Pirates of the Caribbean.
The autographbook from the upcoming Win a Date With Tad Hamilton
- with the cast signatures (personalized) for the celeb loving
niece's thirteenth birthday. And the sweet smelling shampoo donning
this chickbabe's mane? That's Agua; an interview snag-a-roo from
the designer's wet dream hotel called The Mondrian. Quality loot
all for free.
Then
there's the whole Los Angeles shopping experience. Sure, you've
heard of Rodeo Drive and Melrose Avenue, but I journey into areas
that would make Charles Dickens nervous. Why would I risk a possible
mugging in the shadows of the Hollywood sign you ask? Well dear
readers I get some pretty good deals. There's my Romanian gym
suit (3.99) that looks like a Jo-lo thingy, and my dramatically
accessorized jeans appear to be of that oh-so-trendy boutique
in Santa Monica. But I paid 5.99. Swear. The sneakers?
Nike™ but a certain Armenian storekeeper - somehow - sells
them for 8.99.
See,
I have an advantage over my fellow journalists, my mom. Straight
out of a 'Sound of Music' script she taught me how to survive
on a pittance. I can whip up a gourmet meal from a few spices
and condiments or search through the warehouses of tax-write-off
wear to find the right stitch and fabric - gleaming of quality
for the in-the-know treasure seeker. Did you know most of the
big name labels donate their wares to get a tax break - yep! Find
out where in your neck of the woods.
Hey,
wipe the smirk. I'm not cheap, I'm thrifty with exponents - have
to be. Thrifty kind of in the way I'm eccentric not weird…I
always say, "You can be poor and still have class."
Be not proud and shabbily dressed. Look at this way, you can get
five times the booty for the dough. Now who's smart?
Laugh
not oh ye of brand-nameitus. There's these thriftshops of the
stars too. The best is 'It's a Wrap'. A large store filled with
studio throwaways. They have outfits labeled so you actually know
who-ish wore them and in what production. My 40.00 Anne Klein™
executive suit? It debuted on 'The Practice'. I recently found
a pair Express™ stonewashed low-cuts for 3.99 - new. Oh,
what a glorious day that was. I celebrated by taking off my Romanian
sweat suit, dolling myself up, and sauntering me and my new-found
stylin' hip huggers to the 2.99 Thai Bowl restaurant find on Victory
Boulevard. If you eat in moderation? It's two day's worth of chow
- and a treat for the canines. Huge portions and incredible fare.
Los
Angeles also has a store called the '99 Cent Store'. They mean
it. Nothing is over .99. They have foods and toiletries, batteries
and house wares. It's a plethora of deals. My first experience
I'd thought I had died and gone to shopaholic's heaven. And if
you know what you're looking for…I found angora berets from
Lord and Taylor (still holding their original 22.00 price tag)
one day! I bought them in four colors. Another day I found B&G
Pickle - a British standard that I got hooked on while interning
at the BBC years ago! It happens to sell at the specialty market
for about four bucks.
It's a hobby/obsession and I am the queen of finds.
I
have started to teach my equally thin walleted groupies the tricks
of the trade…of course only those of the gaggle of gals that
are not my size are given the trendy-on-a-dime wisdom. I'm nice
but nay that nice. I shared with them the best in the Valley...it's
the Value Outlet / Thrift Shop, 10929 Magnolia -- don't be decieved
by its outer ickyness and reap the rewards of a beautiful outfit
dears...
So
next time you see me in a red carpet extravaganza note the gams
and know this chickbabe knows how to hide her wealthless status
well.
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