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The Truth About Charlie

Starring: Thandie Newton, and Mark Walberg
Directed by: Jonathon Demme

 

 

The truth about Charlie is that when you have a classic film as well done as Charade - the film The Truth About Charlie is loosely based on - you don't dare tempt fate or the ghosts of great films gone by. Let it be. What's with Wahlberg. First he gets himself involved with Planet of the Apes - which I was wicked kind to because of the extraordinary costumes and my undying love for Tim - Nightmare Before Christmas- Burton now this- charade!

Markie, dude, you're acting like the little prince. I mean shall I blame it on Rio? You start singin' in the rain and I swear hell hath no fury funny face! Why don't you look out for indiscreet roles? Look for a role that delivers you kismet would ya? Okay that was a clumsy ode to Charade Director Stanley Donen…

My razor sharp point is that other than finding a rather cool Audrey Hepburn type actress to play the lead this film had zilch going for it.

However even adorable actress Thandie Newton, whose look is most Hepburnesque and properly girly with a diligent apparently trained and patented pout, comes off as a twit just about half way through this farce; each frame seems to suck more brain matter from the poor kid. She is strung through implausible and foolish plot feeders to no avail!

The story revolves around a group of militants after a fellow named "Charlie's" diamonds. Well, they are not really Charlie's diamonds they are Mr. Dyle's diamonds that Charlie and crew stole.

When Charlie Lambert (Stephen Dillane) is murdered the hunt for the diamonds now includes a few more suspicious characters and nut cases.

Charlie's beautiful and girly girl wife Regina (Thandie Newton) returns to their sprawling apartment in the hoity toity section of Paris. She's been away, after three months of marriage, on a vacation in the Caribbean only to find her house empty and trashed. Okay the first -- if you don't count the blushing bride high tailing it to the carribean after a mere 3 monhs of marriage -- of gazillion unbuyable scenarios starts to rear its ugly head as a chap she "bumped" into in the islands, conveniently, bumps into her at the Paris airport. He just keeps reappearing. This adorable mansteak sneak is named Joshua.

Joshua Peters (Mark " M & M flavored" Wahlberg) seems smitten with Regina or rather "Reggie" as he annoyingly immediately and continuously (like a infomercial barker) keeps calling her. He also is also conveniently, there when Charlie's old and violent friends start to pop in on Ms. Lambert.

Oh who to trust? Who to trust? Not Universal Studios! This piece of crap cannot decide if it's a mystery, thriller, or spastic, er, romantic comedy. Yech. The drizzle of comedy is delivered mostly by uber cutey Tim Robbins. He plays the mysterious Mr. Bartholomew; a supposed government agent with a tendency for dramatics. Tim brightened the screen in his few sporadic scenes.

Mark Wahlberg does his usual " whisper" through the crapshoot. At one point I could hear fellow patrons whispering themselves, "whaddesay?" Sure Le Mark takes his shirt off and all is right with the world briefly; he's built like a fancy plump pastry gently warmed in the oven and smeared with rich lickable full fat frosting! He's a true mansteak specimen. BUT that does not warrant our lost hours on this extravagant cinema le Poo and speak up man!

Use the ten bucks each of your viewing party had put aside for this flick de jour to stop at the market and make an impromtu stay-at-home soiree instead; grab some Brie cheese, crusty bread and a nice red wine and rent Charade, so you can see how this film was suppose to go!

Snack recommendation: Croissants and jam if you must venture forth

 

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