|  Transporter
3
Starring Jason Statham and Natalya Rudakova
Directed by Luc Besson
Guest review by director Phil
Messerer
More reviews by Messerer
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Okay,
so these bad guys kidnap some government dude’s daughter
to make him sign some shady document. And for some reason (that
still escapes me) she needs to be driven around without ever really
getting anywhere for most of this film. Oh, yeah, and she’s
wearing a bracelet that won’t allow her to get more than
75 feet away from the car or she’ll blow up. So the plot
either went right over my head or it was never there to begin
with. To tell you the truth, I don’t really care either
way. I think Luc Besson, the director of this cocaine hit of a
movie is betting most people won’t.
This
isn’t exactly a rocket scientist’s picture. If you’ve
rented (or bought) Transporter 3, chances are you’re
looking for some good old adrenaline rushing, testosterone flowing,
heart pounding, fist pumping, pec flexing, sweat dripping, blood
splattering action. That’s why I rented it, anyway. Nothing
wrong with that. It is my birthright as a man to enjoy such frivolity.
Just like you ladies have your Drew Barrymore movies. We’ve
got Jason ‘Gruntmaster’ Statham. He kick yo ass!
Anyway,
sounds like the bad guys have it all figured out except that they
picked Frank Martin (aka Jason Statham) to be the chick’s
chauffeur. Now he can’t get more than 75 feet away from
the car either but see, that’s not a problem. Cause Frank
is a guy who takes his car everywhere – the bottom of a
lake, the top of a train, hell he’ll even take it with him
inside the train. That’s just how he rolls. By the way,
this summer’s Crank: High Voltage looks like it’s
going to take suspension of disbelief to a whole other level.
Gotta
say, I haven’t enjoyed a film so shamelessly in a while.
It kind of brought me back to my formative years, mail-ordering
nun-chuks after watching Revenge of the Ninja for the fifth time
in a row. What great, clean fun. We should all be so lucky. But
when I stopped to think about it, it occurred to me that though
there’s been a steady flow of this genre for a while, critics
never really bother to present a hierarchy. Something that starts
with Robocop and ends with like Robocop 2. But
back to Tranporter 3. There is something pretty special
about it which actually makes it a must see.
What
could this possibly be? Is it Statham’s performance? No,
he grunts his way through it with his reliably constipated angst.
We like this guy cause he feels like he’s most at home in
a bar brawl. Or a pub brawl, whatever. Not like that poofy cokehead
Van Damme. He’s kind of our generation’s Steven Seagall,
maybe a little leaner and with a little less personality. But
hell, who needs that shit. He just has to look mean and deliver
a couple of one-liners. Then one day we’ll elect him governor.
Action
stars are kind of like relief pitchers in baseball. Only instead
of one pitch, they just have one facial expression. And Statham’s
scowl is the pitching equivalent to Mariano Rivera’s fastball.
I think we all know exactly what we’re going to get from
the guy and he rarely fails to deliver. So no, there was nothing
extraordinary about his scowl in Transporter effing
3.
Was
it the action? It’s decent. Actually, Transporter 2
had better fight sequences (I can’t believe I’m dissecting
this). But yeah, in Transporter 2 you could tell that
every part of the fight sequence was individually shot, not just
slapped together with fancy editing. Very sophisticated stuff.
Pretty rare to see that sort of dedication to detail.
Transporter
3 is not quite so thought out and the use of random objects
just lying around (Frank’s signature) is actually at a minimum.
The driving scenes as usual are all sped up which actually works
pretty well. This is a trick as old as cinema itself. But no,
they are actually weaker than the first two films.
What
sets this film apart is a member of the cast. Her name is Natalya
Rudakova. Look her up on IMDB
and all you’ll find is this movie. What you are seeing is
a star in its embryonic stage. A supernova of the Hollywood variety.
There’s been a slew of these Russian hotties gracing our
capitalist screens of late. I hear they play tennis too. But this
girl is different. Discovered by Luc Besson crossing the street
in New York, she has got IT. I mean A list potential. She plays
Valentina, the conflicted, slightly psycho, super sexy vixen with
a smile that thaws even Frank’s icy blood. Wow. Usually
I fastforward through the actual ‘getting to know you’
scenes in these movies but I have to say in this case they were
the highlight. So check it out and discover Natalya for yourselves.
I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of her.
One
other thing I should probably mention is that, though he is not
utilized anywhere near his potential in this, the bad guy is played
by Robert Knepper, who basically stole every scene on 'Prison
Break' and who I think is set to become his generation’s
Gary Oldman. This is the first really obvious case of typecasting
for him. Let’s hope he gets to sink his teeth into some
juicier roles in the future.
In
conclusion, definitely do check this out especially if you want
to stay on top of new talent in Hollywood. Lately there’s
been this push of ‘girl’ stars who never grow up;
the Kate Hudsons and Kirsten Dunsts of this world; female equivalents
to Mathew Broderick and Michael J Fox. I’d like to see us
get back to glamorous women like Monroe and Hayworth. That’s
what Natalya reminded me of. Some sort of lost ideal.
Go
Besson. We need some new blood in this town. And thanks for the
adrenaline rush.
Emily
Blunts Says, "You
made me giggle out loud horror film director man. But silly wabbit
- gals (and men-loving-men) watch ANYTHING with Statham too. In
fact I think Statham films are in "adult" content on
eBay. He is Grade A mansteak whose image as smooth on the eyes
as an uncomfortably close up shot of a well-oiled close up of
a cage-fighter's tricep - and nobody cares what he's running about
grunting frankly.
In
Jay's "real" film days he showed more than a growl too.
I mean verbally and actor-wise. But he's smart and figured out
fluff-films-4-dough beats skid row."
The co-stars - how ever talented - were chosen for their ability
to take a lower pay check; Gary Oldman has graduated from these
slap-and-wrap produce-n-package story-regurgitation cash-in pieces
years ago...
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