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Unbreakable

Buy It!

 

 

Unbreakable is unsellable! How did they get Samuel L Jackson to agree to this?

Bruce we get— he had his Schwarzenigvandamsegalstallone action figure career resuscitated by his once again director/writer M. Night Shyamalan .

Usually when a movie is this badly done I can soften up the stink fest by spraying verbal Lysol over the review. Maybe the acting was good but the script was off. Or perhaps the director ruined the script's flow with his/her own vision.Or when all that fails blame the producer for getting the together the wrong set of folks, behind and in front of the camera.

I can blame one man for this celluloid dung heap of rotten chalupas™. M. Night (shamalamadingdong) Shyamalan , writer, director and producer. Yeah, the same man responsible for the wonderful goldenly executed sleeper The Sixth Sense. Lightening not only didn't strike twice- but I'll bet this takes M. Night right off the new hot director/writer A list with a bright red ball point pen.

Way of the Gun may not have been another Usual Suspects for precocious director/writer Christopher McQuarrie but at least his actor's shined. This just bites the steal hardened croissant from Starbucks™.

Story goes...Ne'er do well middle-class dad David (Bruce "Bald and still a man kebab " Willis) is the only survivor of a terrible train wreck. In fact he walks away untouched- not a scratch...nothing.

This brings around a strange man with an odd black and purple jacket, a glass cane , and a really really dated style to his Afro American hair, Elijah Price AKA Mr. Glass ( Sam" I am so ashamed- please don't see this" L. Jackson).

Glass starts giving Dave a psychotic song and dance about Dave being unbreakable like the heroes in his comic books.

-Which finally explains the ultra-misplaced descriptive paragraph on comic book statistics in the very front of the film- which then cut to a closet in a department store where a woman had just birthed a baby?? Which had me ask the man next to me if this was indeed Unbreakable- I thought they accidentally were running X-Men or something.-

Anywho, Dave starts to recall (tah) he's never had a sick day in his life. Hmm. Then he recalls he never did get hurt in the "near fatal " car wreck he and his wife Megan (totally wasted uberactress Robin Wright Penn) were in. Hmm.There's a pattern slowly developing here!

Bruce Willis is as slow as Keanu Reeves is blank 'nuff said?

Mr. Glass explains things ...Glass is a breakable guy. He's got low bone density which makes him shatter like glass with any abrupt contact. Dave is apparently an unbreakable guy. They are ying and yang on the spectrum of---bone density? HMO deductible choices? What?

No, the story and plot gives a tad more than that. It could have been excellent. That is what infuriates me so deeply. How can a story this good go so bad? You may actually get dragged to this by a Sixth Sense fan...wouldn't want to ruin the ending. After all you'll be suffering through an hour and a half of mundane performances and stiflingly dull sets that look like they were lifted from Welcome Back Kotter to get to the big revelation. Faarrr be it from me to ruin the only cool part of the whole damned thing.

Skip this. It happens to be a colossal shame as well as a waste of a perfectly good night at the movies.

Snack Recommendation: French Toast and Espresso.

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, and Robin Wright Penn.

Directed By: M. Night Shyamalan

 

 

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