Michael Keaton, Deborah Kara Unger, and Ian McNeice
Directed by: Geoffrey Sax
speaking? White Noise is a mere murmur of a film. Wholly guano what
a waste of an evening this colossal mess was. Poor Batman, er, Beetlejuice, er,
Michael Keaton. He's been so infrequently blazon across a screen, one had grown
to miss the lad - but this?
John Rivers (Michael Keaton) has lost his beloved wife. A strange fellow
(Ian McNeice) appears shortly afterwards and claims she has tried to contact John
through him, from the great beyond via EVP
(Electronic Voice Phenomalythingygoinson).
the grieving John thinks the guy is Bonkers brand - with peanuts - looney and
dismisses the guy. But, six months later (spirits apparently need time to adjust
to the afterworld
) while setting up a new apartment, John has a paranormal
experience. His dead wife's cell phone calls him at 230 in the morning.
an insta-believer, John goes back to the Ghostbuster© man and gets
in-the-know on the unknown. But faster you can say, "It's a television
screen blasting snow. It's not my dead uncle Charlie from heaven; it's Conan without
" the man is mysteriously killed. And apparently by
ghosts! Dudumdummmm (<- please insert that generic crescendo horror chord
here please). And they're evil meany ghosts that left him beneath a pile of
think, finally, "It's an hour in. Here we go! Next stop Creepyville,"
as you snorf into the plutonium laced popcorn like a starved Herbivoresnarus Rex.
slow back down, and John sets up all the man's equipment in his place. But it
seems his wife is sending messages for him to help folks as an avenger - a kind
of Batman for the undead about to be dead. I think. I don't know, because the
plot is wafer thin, convoluted, hodge podged and terribly stupid. There's a heap
of scenes thrown in that make no sense whatsoever, and the inevitable "dumb
cop" character kind of just shows up - immediately after the big to-do
plot is unveiled. One half expected Graham Chapman to step from the end-scene's
shadows and insist they stop the sketch.
Keaton will always be Beetlejuice to me
I know a celeb hates that - but hey,
gimme something else to work with here Mickey! Look at Depp,
or Carrey - after being lassoed to worldwide merchandised
characters they've done "experimental," non-stereotyped, roles and managed
quite nicely! No excuse there blue eyes. Keaton's talented (check out some of
his indie roles for proof), but perhaps in this case, there was a mortgage payment
due on his reclusive 180 acre ranch over there in Montana - 'cause I am quite
sure he can read a script.
on all who brought this to a theater near us. Even the titles were awful and migraine
inducing (be extra careful if you're epileptic with this flickering montage of
annoyance - seriously). White Noise is just bad and damned stupid.
Though the set design was grand. Some of the later looks were crisp industrial
Stalin-y hued accented with a hint of Bauhaus - nice job.
recommendation: Thai take away and a quick stop at Amazon to order an industrial
architecture design book with the money you'll save from viewing this crap. Perhaps
Walter Gropius', 'The
New Architecture and The Bauhaus'?