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Wicker ParkWicker Park

Starring: Josh Harnett, Rose Byrne, Matthew Lillard and Diane Kruger
Directed by: (I swear) Paul McGuigan

 

 

Bluntly speaking? Wicker Park is wickedly stupid. By the end of this thriller farce you'll be hootin' and catcalling the talking heads on the screen before you…me at least. And has anyone noticed Josh Hartnett can't act yet? People wake up and look past the Ivy League looks please…please!

Story goes…Photographer Matthew (Josh Hartnett) has lost the love of his life. They seemed to have drifted apart - suddenly.

But he's moved on and found a fiancé, great job and is shufflin' off to China. He's dining at some fancy restaurant when a casual conversation hints of his impending marriage freaks him out and sends him to the bathroom in-a-spin.

There, suddenly, he hears his ex once-in-a-lifetime love in a phone booth via a vent beside the men's room.

When he puts voice to face, he runs from the urinals and chases her to no avail…the "ex" breaks her heel in the departure. A clue. He ends up wigged out enough to postpone his trip to China and start a gumshoe-like hunt for the disappearing broad. Except he's no Phillip Marlowe.

Enter a mousy chick (Rose Byrne) that happens along into his life…yeah right. She's living in what Matthew believes to be his ex's apartment. She has the same name. Wears the same shoes and oh-so-many other it's-gotta-be-her thingys. Of course it's not his ex and the spiral of intrigue attempts to start its twirl.

Get this. Matthew breaks in to the mousy girl's apartment. She catches him. They mock-fight. They end up sleeping together...Hahahaha

Swear - it's that stupid.

AND "Mr. I Live For My Ex" has to also pretend to be calling his present betrothed (remember her?) from China. Boy has this guy opened up a Pandora's box when he played hide the schnitzel wiener with girl three dubbed the "psycho" mousy girl by him and his bestest friend (Matthew Lillard). Nice guys huh?

The premise is great. Love at first sight. One gets the object of desire…. the other lives in the shadow of dismissal. The holes in the script are big enough to park a stretch Hummer in - parallel! For example? Okay. Only one cast member has a friggin cell phone, a couple breaks up without trying to CALL one another, and another goombah has no answering machine. Too pathetically unrealistic to stitch your bridge of suspension into Film Land.

Josh Hartnett should do soap operas or something nice and "mellow" like that. He's got the energy of a sloth. And Matthew Lillard - once again - the comic relief deserves better. The women, Rose Byrne and Diane Kruger come off as plastic and monochromatic cartoons of supposed women-types. I simply adore director Paul McGuigan (Gangster #1 and The Reckoning) so it pains me to waste one more moment ripping his film to the shreds it deserves this time around.

Snack recommendation: No-doze.


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