(horror-movie three star - mind you)
Starring: Jessica Biel, R. Lee Ermery, Jonathan Tucker,
Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour and Andrew Bryaniarski
Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Chainsaw Massacre is one helluva creep fest extravaganza folks!
After all, what's scarier then a faceless chainsaw wielding psycho?
Right! A redneck inbred faceless chainsaw-wielding psycho!
is a remake of the tearfully frightening 1970's film of the same
name (duh). And it's just as wickedly warped!
a van of happy-go-lucky Lynard Skynard fans are heading
into the big city - Dallas - to see a concert. They've just scored
a heaping helping of Mary Jane Hoochy Who south of the border
and are trying to get as high as possible before the show
there's not going to be any lighter waving in this contraband
transporting groups' future. No siree Bob.
practically run over this wandering semi-comatose Holly Hobby
dressed waif (Lauren German) when she simply walks (in that "I've
been abused mentally & physically in ways that your mind can
not even fathom" way so popular with horror film victims)
out in front of them in a rural section of highway
stop and agree to bring her to safety - But as they are heading
towards a convenient phone bearing local diner and country store
- a creepy fly infested diner and country store - their passenger
perks up! She wigs out, begs not to go "there" and removes
a revolver from
a girl place, puts it in her mouth
and pulls the trigger.
off we all go into the mutant world of Leatherface Hewitt (Andrew
Bryaniarski) and his dangerously demented family of merry misfits.
Lee Ermery shows up as a mad-as-a-rabid-rancher local "sheriff"
who is hell bent on toying with the van of kids. Just remember
police don't wrap suicide victims in cellophane and
toss them in the trunk like a sacka potatoes should you ever find
yourself in this position. It's a red flag!
Biel is great as the gorgeous, but tough, would-be human sausage.
And as the borderline hippy-gang featuring talents, Jonathan Tucker,
Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel and Eric Balfour are hilarious - even
as they prepared to become Chez Hewitt's latest addition for the
dinner table's pot-luck ensemble.
This version's Leatherface wields his saw with maniacal madness
to perfection. And director Marcus Nispel keeps us "aweeee"ing
and gagging sufficiently - the way a good chainsaw killer film
recommendation: Finger sandwiches, a side of fresh skewered
Hewitt Family style Mountain Oysters and a pint of Grandma's moonshine
it's based on a true story